All The Little Things
by BadWolfIsMe
Summary: After Journeys End, Rose and the Doctor.2 try to have a 'normal' life. a series of oneshots showing the Doctor still trying to impress Rose while Rose showes him that the little things make all the difference. FLUFF!
1. Prologue

**woo! another story! how exciting lol**

**DISCLAMER: nope! still don't own Doctor Who! but i'll keep trying... maybe next time i'll have some better luck!**

**please review, as i'm not entirely sure about this story. do you think it's a good idea?? if you don't like it, please bare with me, as it is gunna change compleatly after this chapter!**

**enjoy!**

_

* * *

_

I loved him. Lets get that straight right now. I loved him then and I do now, and I will for the rest of my life.

_He loved me too, and I'm sure he still does. But in the end, none of that mattered. In the end, that couldn't save us. Not this time._

_I wanted to give him my forever, was going to too. Nothing was going to stop us. We always won! But then it all went wrong. I won't bore you with the details, and I don't think I could bring myself to write them anyway. But here is the final result. Me. Alone. Again._

_I know he's on his own too. I can feel it in my bones. I could always understand him so well, much better than I think he would like to admit._

_When I was with him… I felt safe. Like nothing and no-one could hurt me. He always took me home, the second I asked, but it didn't take long for that ship of his to become more my home than the Powell Estate ever was! I loved it! Me, him and that life we had together! Nothing could possibly compare._

_But that's all gone now. He's gone._

"Rose! Dinner's ready! Come on, don't let me face the wrath of your mother on my own! She might kill me!" the Doctor's smooth voice cut into Rose's frantic scribbling, and she slowly rested the pen for a moment as she heard her mum reply,

"Oi mister! I made this food and I can take it away just as easily!"

The Doctor's head popped round her bedroom door, "Help me!" he mouthed, causing Rose's giggling to almost throw he off her bed – which she was sitting on with her legs crossed.

"Sure, I'll be right there!" she shouted to an imaginary Doctor, somewhere by the stares.

The Doctor laughed silently, and came in to sit at the end of her bed. Rose quickly pushed the diary under her pillow, she was unwilling to let this new Doctor see she was still pining for her old man.

"You alright?" he asked softly, placing a gentle hand on her arm.

Rose shivered involuntarily at his touch, "I'm fine," she whispered, although they both knew she wasn't. The Doctor had always understood her as well as she understood him, often better, and this man – despite his humanness – was no different.

"You sure?" he questioned, his eyes clearly telling her that he was there, and if she wanted to talk, all she had to do was talk.

Rose swallowed, "Yeah."

The Doctor - .2 as she sometimes called him in her head – nodded slightly, before standing up and walking out the room. He paused at the door, and was clearly about to say something else, when he thought better of it, and walked out the room, pulling the door to slightly as he left.

She was alone again. Sometimes she preferred that and sometimes she didn't. That time, she just wanted a few more minuets.

Slowly, Rose put her hand under her pillow and pulled her diary back out.

_Alright. So it's not all bad news. I would've given him my forever, but he would live after that was over. He would have to be alone again._

_So he gave me a forever instead. A forever that could live next to me, day after day. A forever that would grow old with me. Together._

_I suppose that's what I always wanted. The Doctor and Rose. Forever. Together._

_But it's not quite the same. He's a different man. No matter how similar the two are, they're not the same. And that's something I still struggle to get my head around._

_He's the same man, in most senses. But he's _not_ the man I fell in love with. The man I fell in love with was a Time Lord, the Doctor I have is human. And I still can't tell if that's a good thing or not._

_I don't know if I love him. I don't know if I ever can. But I know one thing, he loves me. And that may just be enough. _

_Cause in the end, he may not be my Doctor, but I will always, _always_ be his Rose._


	2. Being Discreet

**the first in this series! hope you enjoy!**

**summary: the Doctor takes Rose to Cornwall to show her that you don't need all of time and space to find something amazing. Rose showes the Doctor that you don't need to make a song and dance about it.**

**please review!! tell me what you think!! should i continue?? or should i give this up as a lost case?? you call the shots!!**

**if you like, why not give me another thing that i can teach the Doctor, as i have very few ideas on what to do next! come on! drop me a review and an idea! make my day!**

* * *

"Rose Tyler, I give you… Cornwall!" the Doctor bellowed, opening the car door for her, and spreading his arms out wide.

Rose stepped out the car, laughing at the Doctor's overly excited attitude at the overly unexciting Cornwall.

"Great place, Cornwall, you ever been to Cornwall, Rose?" he asked, pulling her by the hand down some random street, and onto a glistening beach. Rose's blond hair was shimmering in the sun, and her laugh was like music to the Doctor's ears.

"Once… when I was young. Not _this_ Cornwall, obviously, Cornwall in my universe. I went when I was about 12, it was good… nice." She replied, careful not to ruin the Doctor's good mood. In reality, her trip to Cornwall had been utterly uneventful, and she had been remarkably bored for the whole visit. Sure, the beach had been alright, but she had spent most of the holiday wanting to go home and see her friends.

"Oh, Cornwall's great!" the Doctor explained again, "Makes the best Cornish pasties in the entire universe!"

"Yer, funny that…" Rose laughed, but the Doctor pretended not to hear,

"In fact, it makes such fantastic pasties, that in about…oh… 100/200 years time, people and beings from all over the galaxy come _here_, just to sample one of these amazing, human food sources! Can you believe that?!"

Rose just laughed. Only the Doctor could get so excited about such a simple thing as a Cornish pasty!

Running to catch up, Rose reached out and took the Doctor's hand, swinging gently by his side – as if it was waiting for her.

At her touch, the Doctor looked down and beamed at Rose, HIS Rose. His Rose, who he had promised his forever.

The thought both terrified and excited the Doctor. Forever. That was a long time. Even for someone with no regenerations. But to live it with Rose, well, that was worth it, wasn't it? He was sure that Rose was worth the regenerations, but did she feel the same way? It had taken her a while to get used to the idea of a new Doctor. She had agreed to try and fix him, but was that enough? Could she love him, even though he was different? Would she _want_ to love him?

He would wait for her. He knew that. He would wait a million years, if that was the amount of time it took for Rose to forgive him. He _needed_ her. She was his whole life, and if he couldn't spend it with her, then his life was worthless.

He didn't understand how his original could just walk away from her like that. Sure, he had the TARDIS, but .2 had _Rose_. She was worth giving up the travelling.

"Doctor?" Rose cut into his thoughts, looking up at him with her big, brown, beautiful eyes.

"Sorry, Rose, I was miles away," the Doctor said with a smile.

"What were you thinking about?" she asked, all innocence,

"Just… Things." He replied, a mischievous look in his eyes.

Rose laughed. It had been a long time since she had felt like this, almost… free, like she didn't need to worry anymore. She hadn't felt like this since… since… _him_.

_No, Rose. Don't think about him. You don't need him. You have him.2, a him that can give you the forever you need. He won't leave you._

But deep in her heart, she knew that Doctor.1 had never really left her. They were the same person, but they were so different. Rose didn't really like to think about that, though, she found it altogether too depressing and confusing. She had her Doctor, and she could have his forever. Something she had always wanted.

.o0o0o

"Here we are then!" the Doctor declared, pushing Rose inside the tiny flat they had rented for the holiday, "Home, sweet home!"

But it wasn't really home, home was on the TARDIS. Home was entire universes away. Home was something neither of them would ever see again.

And it hurt.

They quickly took a look at the flat they would be staying in. It didn't take them long, due to the insufferable smallness of the flat.

It wasn't somewhere they had imagined ending up. After all those adventures, all that time, a tiny flat in Cornwall for a week wasn't really what they had in mind.

It wasn't long before they were out of the flat, running down God-knows how many flights of stares, eager to get out, to explore.

They ran out the tall, grey building, and out into the brightness of the outside. The Doctor and Rose stood, just taking in all the sights.

Rose took a sharp breath, she couldn't remember Cornwall being this beautiful. She supposed that having the Doctor (even if it was the Doctor-who-wasn't) there with her made all the difference.

She frowned, as she realised she wasn't holding his hand. In about two seconds, however, Rose corrected that, and the Doctor looked down and smiled at her touch.

"So, you ready for a whole new adventure?" the Doctor asked, grinning at her.

"You bet!" she smiled back up at him, letting him pull her across the beach.

.o0o0o

Sat in a little café, looking over the beach, a young, blond girl stared out the open window. A tall man, dressed in a navy blue, pin stripe suit followed her gaze, sorrow and regret in his eyes.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, reaching across the table for her hand,

"What for?" She asked. The Doctor was slightly taken aback, he had spoken so quietly, he was sure she wouldn't have been able to hear him, but there she was – Rose Tyler, the one who showed him the impossible,

"I'm not him," the Doctor replied, without hesitation.

Rose Tyler smiled, "I know," her eyes glistened with pain and hurt and dreams and… hope…and…forgiveness, "And you don't have to be."

The Doctor returned her smile, and turned his head back to the ocean, contemplating what he had, and what she never could. He had her, and that was all that mattered.

And yet… He just wished she would _look _at him, the way she used to. Shinning and bright, like he was the most important person in her life, not like she did now. Yes, she still loved him, he could see that, but she kept comparing him to the man he wasn't. The Doctor. The _real _Doctor, the first Doctor – that was who she wanted, who she needed.

"You're still here." Rose whispered, breaking the Doctor's thoughts.

She was right. He _was_ still there. And he would be for a long time now. No more adventures, no more saving lives. No more TARDIS. The Doctor could feel his pathetic, one heart threatening to break as he thought of his beloved ship, flying through time and space while he was stuck there. On Earth. With no way out.

But he had Rose. His Rose. The one who made it all worth while.

The Doctor would give up a thousand TARDIS's, just to be with her. The other Doctor had the universe, while he had Rose. It wasn't a bad deal, and the Doctor (part human Doctor) couldn't help but think that he had come out better than his original. He could give Rose the forever he had always wanted to give, but he couldn't give her the universe. It was always one or the other with him. Yes or no. It was that simple.

"What you thinkin' bout?" Rose asked, innocence gleaming out her wide, bright eyes. Eyes that had seen the universe, and were still yearning for more.

"Oh…" _Don't say you. Don't say you. _"Nothing." The Doctor grinned, flashing his brilliantly white teeth, "You?"

"You." She replied simply, not noticing the small, red flush creeping up the Doctor's neck and into his cheeks.

"What about me?" He asked, almost making a joke about it,

"Nothin, s'not important."

"Everything's important, Rose," the Doctor insisted, making Rose grin and shake her head at his stupidity.

He stuck his tongue out at her, causing her grin to increase until she was left spluttering into her food, laughter she had almost forgotten she owned flowing easily out of her now-smiling mouth.

The Doctor quickly joined Rose in her -almost- hysterics, grinning as the laughter he had so missed flood out of them both. Oh, how he loved to make her laugh. The Doctor felt, at that moment, that he would cross universes again, just to hear that laughter. It was almost like the missing part of his soul came flying back to him as Rose's laugher washed over his ears, sending him into fits of stupid grinning.

"Come on, then," Rose finally spat out, between over-flowing giggles. She stood up, and reached out her hands to the man sat at her table, pulling him up.

"Where to?" He asked, still grinning, once he had stood up and brushed the few crumbs off his jacked.

"Oh… _Anywhere_." She replied, a far away look in her eyes.

The Doctor grabbed her hand again and pulled her out the café, pausing only to slap a few notes on the table to pay for their meal.

.o0o0o

They were walking along the beach. The sun was setting and the wind was messing up their hair.

They walked, hand in hand. Not talking. They didn't need to. Both were lost in their own thoughts.

Eventually, they stopped just by the sea. The cold water licking the tips of their shoes. Rose shivered and moved closer to the Doctor, seeking warmth. He unlinked their fingers and instead wrapped his arm around her, drawing her in. She slipped a cold hand inside his jacked and pulled herself into him and his big overcoat.

He tilted his head so it was resting on hers ever-so-slightly. He breathed in her sent and thought about how much the other him was missing. Rose Tyler just got better and he was standing there, with her, while his double – his original – was seeing time and space. And right then, he _knew_ he was better off.

He could feel her shivering against him, and decided that they better start heading back, he didn't want his Rose freezing to death. No, he didn't think that would be right somehow.

So he slipped his hand down her arm, pausing slightly at her waist, stopping only when he took her hand firmly in his. She looked up at him and allowed herself to be pulled back towards the hotel and the flat.

.o0o0o

The next day they were back at the beach, both clutching boiling Cornish Pasties at the Doctor's request. Well… request may not be entirely the right word…

"So, Rose Tyler, what next?" the Doctor asked, joyfully, his hand trailing to his hair instead of taking hers – _like it should be, _Rose couldn't help but think, a little upset that her hand wasn't being used to warm his, "I mean, we may not be able to go _anywhere_ just yet, but there's still the whole of Earth. Loads of history to be made, loads of things to discover… What?"

"You're rambling," Rose giggled. She knew rambling was all a part of who the Doctor was, and she would never change that for the world, but sometimes she had to stop it before it got silly. Especially as this was not her Doctor.

"Ah, but you see, Rose Tyler, it's not _really _rambling. Not when you're talking about things we can _actually _do!"

Rose looked at him, confused, "What you on about?!" she asked, hitting him lightly on the arm,

"Ow!" he complained, rubbing his arm just below where Rose had actually hit it,

"Aww, stop being such a baby! It didn't even hurt!" Rose laughed, rubbing it where she hit, instead of below it.

"Anyway. I'm talking about _this_! About Earth, Rose Tyler! Your race still has so much to find, and we are going to be there, in the middle of it! And it _did_ hurt!" the Doctor added, sending Rose into fits of laughter. She was so beautiful he couldn't help but grin along with her.

_Beautiful. Hmmm, haven't used that one in a while._ The Doctor thought. He supposed it was just another way of life showing him that, no matter how hard he tried, he would never be himself. Not really.

When Rose recovered from her hysterics, her face turned serious, "What do you mean, 'in the middle of it'?"

"Well… I'm human, and your human, and we can…well…mingle. Seeing as we're stuck here. You know, I know when and where the history will happen, and all we've gotta do is be there when it does…" he was watching her face carefully as he said this, trying to read the expression revealed there but found he couldn't, "I suppose it wouldn't be too bad if we even had a hand in some of it… we could get our names written down in the books! In fact… I think there's a species that has never before been seen by humankind…at least not yet… anyway, it lives not far from here… what do ya say? Shall we go discover the Roseanises?!"

"Doctor!" Rose shouted, finally getting through his ramblings, no matter how much he stated otherwise – he was still rambling! "Doctor, I don't need this…" she whispered.

The Doctor looked at her, confused by her lack of enthusiasm.

"I mean… it's all great and that…discovering…but I don't _need_ it. We never did before, did we? We don't need our names written down in history, we're not about that. We just come, look, help – if we're needed – and then leave. No fuss, no hassle, no awards, nothing. Just go. We don't need people to know who we are, so long as we know…that's all…" she explained, trying to put into words all the things that were franticly running through her mind.

Rose looked up at the Doctor, begging him to understand. He looked confused for a moment more, then his entire face broke into a giant grin,

"You know what, Rose Tyler? You're _brilliant_, you are!" he leaned over and placed a kiss on the top of her forehead, "Brilliant…"

She smiled along with him, as he pulled her away, dragging her in the opposite direction to where they were going.

.o0o0o

"That's…that's…oh my god!" Rose whispered as she kneeled by the base of a tree, the Doctor's hand close around hers.

"_That _will be found in about 100 years time, by a mister James Grandol, who will find one at the bottom if his garden one day. They only live in Cornwall, and can't survive in bright light for more than 10 minuets at a time, after that they have to hide back in their little burrows. See it's nose? The way it bobs up and down, that's telling us that it's friendly, but you see, if it was in a bad mood, it would be moving in little circles," he explained, trailing off slightly as Rose shuffled slightly closer to him under the tree.

"Cool…" she breathed, taking in a sharp breath as it came quickly towards her.

"It's okay…" the Doctor whispered, squeezing her hand gently before turning his attention back to the creature, "Hello little fella," he said softly, offering it his hand, "Say hello to Rose…" he scoped it up, and held it out flat in the palm of his hand. It lay down, allowing Rose to brush her index finger gently along it's slender back.

"That's incredible!" she breathed, and the Doctor felt his heart swell up with pride. Any other human – not including him – would've been afraid to touch it, especially considering the sharpness of it's little, blue teeth, but not his Rose. She was brilliant, far too brilliant to be true. But there she was, true as true can be. And sitting next to him. discovering something new.

Slowly and gently, Rose eased the creature from the Doctor's hand to hold in her own. He watched her as she giggled lightly at the sensation of it's weight and fur against her skin, before carefully setting it back down on the earth below them.

Together, they watched it scurry away, back into its little hole.

Rose sighed, contently. There was still so much out there for them to find, to discover. And no-one would ever know that they had found it all first. But that was good. No-one had to know. Sometimes, it's better that way, sometimes, all you need is to know that you've done it. The privet thought of doing something more. Something no-one else will do until hundreds of years later.

And no-one will ever know. Apart from the two people sat under that tree…on that day…in Cornwall.


	3. Time To Think

**short one this time. short but sweet... hopefully anyway :P**

**sorry about the delay, i have actually had this written for a while now but it has been a bit of a nightmare trying to actually get it onto FF. sorry**

**please review!**

* * *

"Aaaa!"

The Doctor was up and out of the room before the others had even heard Rose's scream, darting out of the oversized living room as though Friends was poisonous. _To an extent, _he thought to himself as he ran, _the rubbish pointlessness of that show _must_ be poisonous!_ And then his mind was back on running.

When the Doctor finally came grinding to a halt, he found Rose sat, quite happily, on the flat roof of one of the garages they had outside the Tyler Mansion. At seeing the Doctor, Rose looked down and waved, a stupid grin plastered across her face.

"Rose… are you okay?" the Doctor asked warily, unsure as to why she had screamed, when everything seemed fine, but positive that she had.

"Yup! Fine! Perfect! Couldn't be better! Why do you ask?" she replied, slightly too quickly.

"Oh, I just… um… I thought I…. um…" the Doctor stuttered, trying to think of an easier way to say 'I heard you scream and came running, are you _sure_ you're okay?!". Suddenly, he noticed a ladder lying, useless, on the ground by the garage Rose was sat on. Putting two and two together, the Doctor quickly worked out exactly what had happened, and carried on with, "Rose, could you come down here for a moment?"

Rose's eyes opened a little wider for a moment, before she shook her head, stating, "I like it up here, why don't you come up?"

The Doctor merely grinned, "No ladder."

Rose blushed a deeper shade of red than the Doctor had thought possible. He wasn't sure exactly what was so embarrassing, but it was so funny to watch!

"Alright," she finally admitted, "The ladder slipped and it caught be by surprise. That's why you're here, isn't it, you heard me scream?" the Doctor nodded, still grinning, "It's not funny!" Rose insisted, when the Doctor's grin merely increased, she added, "It's not!"

"You're stuck up there!" the Doctor finally blurted out, doubling over with laughter at Rose's current predicament, receiving a very sour look from the girl in question.

Still laughing, the Doctor walked over to the abandoned ladder. He quietly picked it up and rested it against the wall of the garage, and began to climb it.

Rose shuffled up along the roof, giving the Doctor room to sit next to her. When he eventually reached the top, he pulled himself up and took the space Rose offered him, taking her hand as he did so.

"So… if you don't mind me asking,… _what_ were you doing up here in the first place?" the Doctor asked, watching her face tenderly.

Rose looked shifty for a moment, before turning to look at the Doctor, "I come here to think… No-one ever comes round here, and even if they do, if I sit over there," she pointed to another corner of the roof, "I've found that people can't see you from the ground… the only thing you've got to worry about is the…"

Both gave a yelp of surprise as the ladder fell with a 'clunk' and landed, heavily on the ground. They looked at each other, before both burst out laughing. It looked like they might be stuck up there for a while.


	4. Looking Back

**another chappy very quickly up lol**

**but like i said, it has taken me a while to upload the last and i have had this one finished since about a day after the previous lol**

**anyway, please review this chapter too! it's quite a lot longer than the last, you be the judge of what that means.**

**reviews are love! and i love you!**

**enjoy!**

* * *

"Rose! Open the door!" the Doctor begged, pounding on the door with his fists _again_, "Please Rose! Let me in!"

Silence.

"Rose… you can't stay in there forever!"

Still silence.

"Please Rose! It's been _days_!"

Nothing.

"Rose!!" he banged harshly on the door, as though punishing it for existing… especially with a lock.

Still, Rose said nothing.

She had been in that room for days, not coming out once, no matter how the family persisted. Her mum, Pete, the Doctor, even Tony had tried to get Rose to open the door, or at least tell them what was wrong, but each got the same reward for their efforts… silence.

They knew she was in there, it wasn't like she had run away or anything, she just wasn't talking.

They were getting slightly worried now, sure, Rose had an en-suit, but she didn't have a kitchen or anything, so she must be hungry.

"Rose, come out for dinner, sweetie," her mum now, trying to be nice. When that was met by silence, as always, Jackie changed her tactic, "Rose Marion Tyler, if you do not open up this instant, you will be in so much trouble!"

Had Rose been talking, she might have said something along the lines of, "Back off mum! I'm not a kid anymore!" but Rose was not talking. And Jackie got no reply.

"You staying here?" she asked the Doctor, he nodded, "well… let's hope you can talk some sense into her…" she turned back to the closed and locked door and cursed herself – not for the first time – for allowing Rose to get a lock on her door, "Rose! Last chance, you open up now or go hungry!"

Still silence.

Jackie gave an exasperated sigh, and headed off downstairs to feed the rest of her family, leaving the Doctor on his own with a closed door.

"Look Rose, I know you're upset, but you can talk to me about it… come on Rose, let me in…"

Nothing.

The Doctor slid down the wall, resting his head on the frame of the door.

"Rose, your mother's gone…" he tried, to no avail, "Please talk to me Rose…"

Silence.

The Doctor considered just giving up and going downstairs for food, he wasn't likely to get a reply any time soon, and his feeble human body needed much more energy than his powerful Time Lord one had, but something kept him. Besides, he didn't want to leave her.

The Doctor's stomach rumbled, angrily, "Rose, I'm hungry… please don't make me go down to face the dragon by myself!" alright, to be honest, Jackie had been being much nicer and open to the Doctor lately, but she still scared him a little, and he disliked being with her for to long without the protection of her daughter.

Absolute silence. Still.

"Come on Rose…"

Silence.

"Rose! Open up right now! This is getting silly!" Pete came up the stairs and began pounding on the door.

Silence.

"Ah. Element of surprise doesn't work then," Pete said with a sad smile, turning to the Doctor. The two men had always got on rather well, and since Rose had brought the Doctor home, they had become quite close, "You alright?"

"Yeah," the Doctor replied, "No chance of a man getting some food is there?"

"Sorry, mate, Jackie will kill me if I bring you food up here. You know what she's like…" Pete replied, staring wistfully down to where he knew his wife was eating, alone with their son.

The Doctor nodded, "Never mind then, eh! I'll just starve waiting for a certain little blond girl to open her bedroom door…" both turned to the door hopefully.

Nothing.

"Oh well, worth a try!" the Doctor grinned.

Pete smiled and slapped the Doctor on the shoulder, "I admire you mate. No-one else would have lasted half this long – I know I wouldn't!"

The Doctor nodded, "I need to know what's wrong." He offered, simply.

Pete grinned and walked off in the direction of the bathroom. On his way back, he paused and handed the Doctor a packed sandwich, "Don't tell Jackie!" he whispered, and then he was gone, back in the dinning room with his wife and son.

The Doctor looked at the packet thoughtfully, and then ripped it off and munched on a slice, hungrily.

"Look at me, Rose, what have you reduced me to?" he asked no-one in particular, not expecting any more than the accustomed silence as he poked his stomach thoughtfully, gazing at the sandwich and the rather large bite he had taken out of it.

Silence.

"Oh, come on Rose!"

Nothing.

"Please?!"

Zilch.

"Rose…?"

Nada.

"Open the door…"

Zip.

"Please?!"

Nil.

"Oh Rose!"

Naught.

"Look Rose… if this is about the Doctor… then I'm sorry, alright? I'm sorry I'm not him… I'm sorry he left you here… I'm sorry you've only got me… What can I say?! I'm sorry I even exist!"

Footsteps.

"Rose?"

The sound of a lock being undone.

"Rose?"

Retreating footsteps.

"Can I come in?" he asked softly, pulling himself to his feet, "Rose?" cautiously, he pushed open the door, closing it gently behind him.

Rose was sat on her bed, her head in her hands and her feet tucked in underneath her.

"Are you okay?" he asked, he didn't really expect a response, so he was almost surprised when she shook her head in her hands, "Oh Rose!" the Doctor rushed to the bed and pulled her close to him. Wrapping his arms tightly around her, he sat and let Rose cry against him. Gently, he rubbed her back, his hand moving in little circles by the small of her back.

As she cried, the Doctor allowed himself a chance to look around at the space Rose had been living in for the past few days. It was dark. That was the first thing he noticed. And the large window above Rose's bed had been covered roughly with a blanket, which had obviously been taken down and put up numerous times. The floor around her desk was scattered with things that had previously been on her desk, leaving the desk itself clear from everything except random pieces of paper, a handful of pens, and numerous pencils. The walls were covered in drawings. Drawings of far-away places and strange beings from different worlds. Every drawing was slightly different, but there was one thing featured on almost every paper – a small, blue box in at least one corner of everything.

The Doctor felt his heart lurch as he realised just how much Rose missed the other him, and their adventures together.

As Rose sobbed against the Doctor, he almost felt like joining her. Of course she wouldn't be over him yet, all those things she had done. True, they had been getting so close recently, and the Doctor had almost thought she had moved on and accepted him, but then she goes and does a thing like this!

_How can I trust her if she won't let me in?_ he wondered. But knew instantly it was a stupid thing to think. He trusted Rose Tyler, and nothing she could do would ever change that. Even something like this. After all, she had let him in. _After you worked it out for yourself_ a little voice in the back of his mind told him, but the Doctor ignored it. He was good at ignoring the little voice by now.

"I'm sorry…" Rose whispered, her sobs dying down a little.

"No, Rose. I'm sorry." He replied, forcefully, "You haven't done anything wrong."

"I thought… all this… I thought I could move on… just…. Forget him… but all we've been doing lately, reminded me… how much I really need him…" Rose continued, ignoring the Doctor's previous statement, "I miss him…"

The Doctor didn't need to ask who _he_ was, it was obvious. And she would always miss her Doctor, it would be impossible not to, especially after how close the two of them had got. The Doctor had the same memories as the old man, and he could see that the original Doctor had felt it too. They had been close. Too close. The Doctor had loved Rose Tyler, despite how little he had wanted or expected to, he had. He had known it, even at the time, that he had always loved her, but he could never say it. Because, by saying it, it was like admitting to himself that he had become to close, something he never wanted to admit about Rose, he wanted to be close to her, he wanted to love her, but he could never tell anyone, could never do anything about it.

It was sad, all that love, and she could never know. She could never even begin to imagine the love the first Doctor held for her, the same love as the man now sat on her bed with his arms around her shared.

"He misses you…" the Doctor stopped, realising what he had just said. _Why_ did he say that? Did he want Rose never to move on, to be forever stuck in the past, in her memories of the man _he_ was too.

Rose looked up at the Doctor, as if trying to figure out if he was joking or not. In the end she just shook her head, sadly, "He doesn't miss me… it was his choice to leave me here."

"But what choice?" the Doctor surprised himself again by answering, "He couldn't keep you… not this time… and he hated it, but he _had_ to leave you here. Do you honestly think he would've done this if there had been another way? He… he loved you, Rose."

Both were shocked by what the Doctor had just said, and neither was sure whether they quite believed it. Or course, the Doctor knew it was all true, every single word.

"He couldn't keep you… he couldn't get too close… something he'd already done…"

Rose didn't know whether to laugh or cry, to thank the Doctor for telling her that, or shake him, furious. She didn't know what to say, what to think, what to do. _If he loved me, why did he leave me?_

"Why didn't he ever say anything?" she finally decided on, still unsure if she wanted to know the answer.

"By admitting that to you, he would've fist had to admit that to himself. He wanted to, every day he thought about it, but he could never find the right moment. That last time… on the beach… with me… he was going to say it, but he knew that if he did, you would've never let him leave. You couldn't have got on with your life…"

"He was stupid…" Rose interrupted with a fond smile,

"Yeah…" the Doctor agreed, "He was stupid… but he still loved you."

Rose looked at her feet for a moment and when she looked up again, she had another question on her lips, but the Doctor interrupted her gently, "Rose. Every thought, every wish, every hope, every dream the Doctor held for you, every emotion, every devoted cell in his body, it was all copied and transferred to mine when I was grown. Meaning… I love you, Rose Tyler, but unlike my original, I _can _say it, and I will never stop. With all of my feeble, one heart I love you. Please remember that."

Rose didn't know what to say, this was all so new to her. He still wasn't her Doctor, but maybe it could work anyway, maybe she could love him because of what he had that the Doctor.1 didn't. He loved her, and maybe that's all she ever needed.

_The original Doctor loved you to, and his love was real, not some kind of… copy_, a tiny voice at the back of her mind said, but through time, Rose had learnt to ignore that little voice. She knew better than it, and if this new Doctor said he loved her, then god-forbid, she would love him back!

"I love you too…" she whispered, leaning back against him. It wasn't a complete lie, she didn't love him yet, but she knew she would, she just needed time to get to know this Doctor-who-wasn't, and time was all they had.


	5. Naming

**another oneshot for you!**

**a bit random, i kinda had two ideas here and decided that they could work together (or at least i think they work) so... yeah... lol**

**what do you think of the name?? does it work?? do you like it?? hate it?? drop me a review and let me know!  
****i just thought i should give him a name, as that's what everyone else seems to be doing at the moment... and this is what i came up with! hope you like!**

**REVIEW!! please! and thank you to everyone who has reviewed, please keep reviewing! a BIG slice of chocolate cake to everyone who reviews!**

"Doctor!"

Rose sat bolt upright in her bed, beads of sweat glistening on her brow.

"What is it? Rose! I'm here, I've got you!"

He was by her side in an instant, his hand finding hers expertly in the dark. The dark that wasn't very dark for long, as he reached over and switched on Rose's bedside lamp, bathing the room in a dim, yellowy light.

"Doctor?" Rose asked, her eyes adjusting to the light, scanning the Doctor's worried face and finally resting on his eyes.

"Rose, I'm here, I've got you."

_Not right_, she thought, _Not _my_ Doctor's eyes._ She peered at him in the half-light. His eyes were soft, they were gentle. He was like the calm after the storm, _But where's my storm?_ Rose hadn't realised just how much she relied on his energy, on his unpredictability, until then.

"What? Wait… Doctor?" Rose brought up a hand to the side of her head, still frowning slightly as she tried to concentrate,

"Yes Rose, it's me, it's the Doctor, I'm here, I've got you," Rose's frown began to fade as the Doctor squeezed her hand gently, "You alright?"

"I'm always alright," she replied. She knew what it meant, and she knew she wasn't alright, but what did she care, she had been left here, just like the rest of them. She had been dumped, even though he had promised he would never do that to her.

The Doctor peered at her, as though checking to see if she was _really_ alright. Rose glared back at him and he looked away.

Concerned eyes peeked at her again once they thought she had stopped looking. Concerned, worried, loving eyes. Beautiful eyes, the colour of chocolate, and to an extent, they still had the same effect. Rose wanted to drown in those eyes, to swim in his never-ending pool of chocolate – the only difference was, she could. In his eyes, there was no spark, no fire raging and no bubbles popping in the surface of his chocolate pool. No electricity.

Her old Doctor, his eyes had burnt like the sun, and shone like one too. They had showed so much emotion, yet they revealed no more than what he wanted them to. There was a huge, steel barrier shielding himself off from everyone else, but there was still an element of openness in his eyes. You could loose yourself in his eyes. Not drown in them, like the eyes looking at Rose then, no, you could actually get lost in the original Doctor's brown orbs. And you would never once complain.

"Glad to here it." The Doctor said, huffily, turning away from Rose.

She frowned, what could she possibly have said? "What?!"

"Rose, next time, don't call me unless it's _me_ you actually want,"

Rose frowned again, seriously confused now, "Doctor… I don't understand,"

He looked at her then, really looked at her, his frown softening slightly as he took in her words, "Rose, I think I should get a new name,"

"What?!" the words were out of her mouth before she even thought about them. The Doctor's statement had come from nowhere, since _when _had he wanted to change his name?! "What's wrong with Doctor?"

"Nothing, it's just…" he trailed off, but Rose's prompting made him continue, if a little reluctantly, "Every time you say the name 'Doctor' you always want him. And every time I turn around, there's hope in your eyes, just for a second… but then you realise I'm not him, and there's disappointment," Rose opened her mouth to disagree, but the Doctor hurried swiftly on, "It's only for a second… you hide your emotions well, Rose Tyler, but they're still there. They can still be seen, if you're watching close enough."

She didn't need to ask who _he_ was, she knew perfectly well. She would've argued the point, but she couldn't deny her feelings either. Although it hurt, she had to agree this time, "I'm sorry," she whispered, but he just shook his head,

"You don't need to be sorry, Rose, it's not your fault," and even though she still felt bad, she still wanted to argue that it _was_ her fault, she found herself simply looking away, unable to from the word in her mouth.

Sensing her upset, the Doctor wrapped his arms firmly around Rose Tyler, pulling her into a hug. She breathed in his warm sent, so like her Doctor's, but still so different. She pressed her ear against his chest, allowing his single heartbeat to wash over her, but somehow she still wished for two. It wasn't his fault, but it wasn't hers either. He was here, but the Doctor wasn't. He stayed, but the Doctor left. He was human, she wanted Time Lord. He loved her, she would have to try. But she would, she would love him.

Pulling away, Rose wiped a stray tear from her cheek and turned with a smile to the man who was still holding her hand, "So…names! What d'ya have in mind?"

The Doctor frowned for a bit, thinking, "I'm not sure… Something good. Something that means something to us. Um… Something…."

"How about John Smith?" Rose offered. He used to use that name all the time when he needed people to think he was human, was normal. After a while, the name suited him more and more.

The Doctor looked at her, a slight distaste in his eyes, "No, I don't think I like that. I mean, for him, it was brilliant. When he needed to be inconspicuous, needed people not to notice him, to remember him… but it's not really…right. I need something a bit more…well, _more_. A name to remember." Rose nodded, thinking about what he'd said and considering names they could have.

"Well, I think as a last name you should defiantly have Noble," Rose finally suggested, her voice firm and her mind made up.

"Noble? Why?" the Doctor asked. It wasn't that he disliked the name, it's just that he couldn't see why _he _would want to be known by it.

"You said you were part Donna – the DoctorDonna. You should keep some essence of _you_, and she's as much a part of you as he was,"

"hmm… Noble… Noble…" he rolled it around his mouth a little, trying the taste of the letters against his tongue and his teeth, "Hello, I'm Mr Noble…" Rose suppressed a giggle, receiving a small glare from the Doctor in the process, which just made her laugh more, "Noble… hmmm… I think I like it… In fact… Nnnnoooobbbbblllleeee, yes, I will have that," Rose's giggles returned, and the Doctor grinned.

"Good, now… a first name…" Rose breathed as her giggles died down enough for her to talk, "As a Time Lord… what was your name…?" she asked softly, knowing that she may be prying a little _too_ far.

The Doctor looked at her, and she returned his gaze with a look that clearly said, _I'm sorry, you don't have to say if you don't want to_.

He sighed and turned away, "My name is lost… it burnt with my planet and my people… it's lost to time, the word has no meaning any more," Rose nodded and he turned to look at her, memories that shouldn't be his floating in his eyes, "But there is no harm in a word without meaning… and he would've told you… eventually…" the Doctor seemed to consider his words for a moment, before reaching over and tucking her hair gently behind her ear, "My name…" he whispered, and then he told her.

Rose gasped, and pulled away, the word he had whispered was the most beautiful, most terrible, more wonderful and most painful she had ever heard in her life. She couldn't believe that a name could cause feelings to spring up in her that she didn't even know she possessed.

"But no-one can ever know…" he whispered, still unsure if he'd done the right thing in telling Rose. She nodded, still slightly shaky, but he could see she was alright. His brilliant Rose. He had known she would accept the name, even if she would never be able to say it. He could see her trying, see her mouth attempting to form the words, but she would never be able to. The noise would be stuck in her memory for the rest of her life, but she would never be able to make a sound like it. Even the Doctor, being just a half, had almost struggled to get the word out, and once he had, he felt like he hadn't done it justice. It wasn't as powerful as it was when He said it, _But then again, I'm not a full Time Lord, and only a Time Lord can speak the words perfectly_, he thought to himself, allowing this. There was nothing he could do to say it better, and he wasn't sure he wanted to.

"Wow…" Rose finally breathed, shaking her head to try and clear it.

"You think that was powerful… you should hear him say it!" he joked, checking her over in his head to make sure she really was alright.

"I never imagined… I mean… I'd heard him say some stuff in Gallifreyan, but I didn't think… I mean… wow…" the Doctor smiled, knowingly, as Rose tried to describe to him what he already knew – Gallifrey was amazing and had an amazing language.

"Anyway… Back to the name! As a great man once said… Allons-z!"

"Allons-z…" Rose repeated, twirling the word around in her mouth, "Oh yes!"

"What? You're not seriously suggesting I be called 'let's go' in French, are you? Cuz if you are, you have some serious issues, and I think I'm gunna get you checked out in the mourning…" he trailed off at the look Rose was giving him, but seriously '_allons__-z_'!?

"No, Doctor!" she almost laughed, before getting back to her main idea, "You always said you wanted to say 'allons-z, Alonzo!' well…" she trailed off too, waiting for the Doctor's mind to click, and when it did, Rose had to hold onto the board on the top of the bed to stop herself from falling off thanks to her laughter,

"But _I _wanted to say it!"

When she calmed down from her laughing fit, Rose was quite pleased to find the Doctor trying out Alonzo as a name. _Doubled up with Noble_, Rose thought, _actually, it doesn't sound too bad_. She grinned when she heard "I'm Mr Alonzo Noble… now allons-z!"

"So…?" she asked, wanting to know his thoughts on the name.

The Doctor frowned for a moment, considering, "Rose Tyler you're a genius!" he pulled her over and kissed the top of her head gently, his lips barely brushing her hair, "Alonzo Noble! I love it! It's perfect! Not too plain, but it's not weirdly weird either, brilliant…_fantastic_ even!"

No smile could possibly be bigger, or brighter, than Rose's was at that moment… except perhaps his.

"Alonzo Noble…" Rose whispered, trying it out for herself,

"Yes?" he replied, making Rose laugh with his huge, stupid grin.

She nodded, "I like it… You gunna go for a middle name, or just leave it as it is?"

_Alonzo_ considered this, before nodding, "Got any more ideas?" he asked, after all, she was on a roll!

"Well… actually," she started, causing Alonzo to look up in excitement, "Well… I mean… I understand if you say no… it's probably a dumb idea anyway… but… well… you could… no, forget it, it's stupid,"

Alonzo grinned up at her, "Can't be as stupid as _Doctor_ now, can it?… I mean, who goes around saying 'hello, I'm the Doctor… no, I haven't actually got a real name, it's just 'the Doctor'' I mean come on!" Rose held back the laughter that was tugging at the corners of her mouth and took a deep breath,

"Well… I just thought… You have your Donna side showing… But what about your Doctorishness?… I thought… Maybe… Your middle name could be Gallifrey… or something…" at the expression on his face, Rose hastily continued, "Of course, it's just a suggestion! Take some time to think about it… Or ignore it and I'm sure we'll come up with something else… something even better…" he was looking at her now, and Rose quickly shut up, allowing a soft silence to over come the two of them.

The Doctor – sorry, _Alonzo_ – was deep in thought, and the silence was very slowly beginning to get to Rose. Just when she thought she could bare it no longer, and would have to say something, the Doctor spoke.

"Alonzo Gallifrey Noble…" it was just a whisper, scarcely that, but he repeated the words, louder this time, "Alonzo Gallifrey Noble," then he said them again, "Alonzo Gallifrey Noble." Then once more, practically shouting, "Alonzo Gallifrey Noble!" he then turned to Rose, who was sat slightly back from him, watching him carefully, "What were you thinking?" he asked, his voice soft and quiet.

Rose instantly felt terrible, what _was_ she thinking?! "I… um… I don't know… I just thought… it's a name… of sorts… and it's distinctive to us… more so to him than me… but still… um… I don't know…" again, she trailed off when it was obvious he wanted to speak, "I just thought that no-one would have to know what it meant… or even that it existed, because it's a middle name, and no-one needs to know what your middle name is," Rose gushed out, trying to make up for her stupid suggestion.

"Well… whatever it was you were thinking of…" he wasn't speaking unkindly, it was just the volume – or lack of – that was worrying Rose slightly, "when you thought of any of these names…" Rose looked up, _I thought he liked the others!_ She thought, confused, "I don't ever want you to forget!" he pulled her into a tight hug, pressing his lips to her head again as he released her in a momentary high, "I don't know if I've mentioned this, but you, Rose Tyler, are brilliant!" Rose's grin increased further than any normal person would've thought possible, "I love my name! It's the best, most original, most _brilliant_ name anyone could ever think of! And it's all the more special because it was thought up by my one and only Rose!" the Doctor aka Alonzo sat back, slightly breathless after rattling off all that at about 10times his normal speaking rate – which was pretty fast to begin with!

They sat in silence for a while, both with stupidly big grins plastered all over their faces.

"Alonzo Gallifrey Noble… now all you need is a signature and a birthday and a birth certificate and a passport and a bank account and…" Alonzo sighed heavily as Rose rattled off a ridiculously long list of things he would need. He had never realised quite how organised these little apes really were. And he thought getting a name would be a problem!

Rose noticed Alonzo's far away look and added, casually, "But thanks to Torchwood, we should be able to sort all that out, and all you really need to worry about is the signature and choosing a day for your birthday," she grinned at the ex-Doctor's much more willing expression, "oh, and getting a job would be good as well, no point in a bank account with nothing in it!"

Alonzo groaned, "I thought that was what you were for..." he stopped the second he saw Rose's face, _note to self, don't joke about jobs… just don't_, "or… I could apply at Torchwood, after all… I think I know a thing or two about aliens," he grinned at his – clever - use of Rose's own words, but Rose didn't seem to agree.

"Hmmmm, yeah, reckon you do…" she said, non-commentarial.

He grinned more, and took her hand back in his own, "We're gunna be okay, Rose Tyler, we'll make this work,"

Rose looked up at him and smiled, "I know, Doct…sorry, _Alonzo_," she rested her head on his shoulder, suddenly tired again, "It's gunna take some time, but we'll do this. My Alonzo Noble – half Time Lord half Human. My DoctorDonna…"

Alonzo looked down at Rose, and saw the heavy rise and fall of her chest, felt her steady breaths against his neck and knew she was sleeping. Gently, so gently, he lifted her up and slipped her back under her duvet, stroking her brow as he laid her head on the pillow. He stood up to go, but a hand in his and a little voice stopped him before he had taken two steps,

"Stay with me…Alonzo… Please don't leave me…"

_Alonzo_. She had called him Alonzo!

The man who used to be called the Doctor budged Rose's fragile body along, and slipped in next to her, her hand still tightly in his. She pushed up to him, sensing his warmth, and he laid a protective arm across her body, holding her to him. And together the two of them fell asleep in each others arms. The nightmare that had woken Rose up didn't dare return while she was with Alonzo, and he slept more soundly in his new name than he had ever done as 'the Doctor'.

"I'm here, my Rose, and I'm never gunna leave you…" his last conscious thought before Dr Alonzo Gallifrey Noble drifted to sleep. And he knew it was true.


	6. A Diary Entry

**and another for you!**

**hmmm... this was a little random, and is written really differently to the rest of the story, but, depending on the feedback i get for this, i may do some more diary entrees... but i may not... i haven't decided yet.**

**i would like to thank **nathanrdotca **for pointing out my little mistake in the last chapter 'Allons-y' not 'Allons-z', i appologise about that, but i honestly thought it was 'z'! i have checked, and **nathanrdotca** was, obivously, right, so thank you for that!  
also, if anyone else notices any more mistakes in my work, please don't hesitate to point them out to me! as i have said before (in my bio), i'm not a brilliant speller so mistakes may arrise on occasion, therfore, if anyone does spot anything PLEASE just drop me a quick, 2 second review and let me know. Thanks.**

**thanks to all who have reviewed so far, please review again, and if you haven't reviewed before, now would be a great time to start!**

**next update shouldn't be long, as i have ideas for the next two chapters already brimming and begging to be written! that's a guess, not a promise mind you! :P**

_

* * *

_

Dear Diary,

_It's been 2 months since I was left here. It doesn't feel like 2 months. Feels more like forever since I stood on that beach, a Doctor on either side of me, waiting for an answer. But it feels like yesterday at the same time. I can remember so clearly ever detail; the crash of the waves; the shade of ever pebble; the feel of the soft, cold sand under my shoes. I can remember the exact moment my heart broke. And the exact moment when I realised he could fix it._

_My Doctor. Both of them. The one I loved and the one I _must_ love. It's gunna be hard, but now I've realised that it's possible to love both. To hold one in my heart and one in my hand and love them both equally. I never realised that was possible before. But now I know._

_My Doctor, the one I was left with, he's got a name now. It's not too important, just another way of proving that he isn't the same man. He's more than just a simple copy. He's him and I wouldn't have him any other way! Alonzo Gallifrey Noble. I'm pretty sure I only really believed he was the same man for a moment before I realised; they look the same, same thoughts, same memories, everything, but that doesn't make them the same man. Alonzo is different in that he is everything the Doctor never could be. With him I will live the life my Doctor can only ever dream of. The life Alonzo told me he always wanted. _

_I think about the Doctor less, which is good, I suppose. I mean, he's always there, in the background, but I don't pine after him. I used to say I'd give anything to have him back with me', but now I know that's not true. I'll always miss him, and I'm pretty sure I'll always love him, and I know that'll never go away, but now I can move on. I can live my life._

_The Doctor said Alonzo was a threat to the universe, but somehow I doubt it. He's no more a danger than I am. And I think the Doctor knew that. I think Alonzo may have been a way to get rid of me, to leave me behind, without breaking his promise that he would never just dump me like that. He's left me with Alonzo, and I think that's easier for him. He thinks I'm happy, living a life with a him that can live the life he wanted to live…with me. And I think I am happy. I think, for once, he might be right. For now._

_He didn't _want_ to dump me, I know that, he didn't want to leave me behind. He just, sorta, _had_ to, if you get what I mean. He couldn't grow old with me, and it would've been too hard for him to watch me die. I think that's the only reason why he did it. So he wouldn't have to watch me as I aged._

_I keep thinking, one day he'll come back. I know it's impossible, and I'm not saying that it's the only thing that keeps me going, like it was last time I was left here. But we've done impossible, him and me, we've been there and back. We can do impossible in our sleep. And someday, I know he'll return. I'm not gunna count away the hours until I see him again, not this time, no, this time I'm gunna live life as it's given to me, I'm not gunna spend my life looking in the past. I'm not gunna forget him, I don't think I ever could, but my everyday won't be for him, won't be towards getting him back. I'm happy, at last, and I think that's all he wanted for me. One day, sure, I still believe he'll come back, I'll always believe that, but until that day, I'm not gunna wish for anything but what I have._

"Rose! You done yet! Tony's getting restless and Pete says we'll miss the last ferry if you're much longer!" Alonzo's voice flooded into Rose's head as she put the finishing touches to her latest diary entrée.

"Yeah, I'm coming!" she shouted back, rushing to scribble down some last thoughts. She wouldn't be bringing her diary on holiday with them, just in case Alonzo found it. She knew how interesting the Doctor had found her diary, and she really didn't want Alonzo to read some of the things she had written. So she would be leaving it in a drawer, locked with a key that only she had.

Well, that wasn't strictly true, in fact, she knew of two other keys in existence, other than the one she had on a chain around her neck. One belonged to the Doctor and the other, last time she checked, but it might've changed since then, belonged to Donna Noble. But she wasn't worried about them stealing her diary much, not while they were in a different universe. No, somehow she doubted they would use their keys to open her bedside drawer and steal any of the objects inside.

_I better go, Alonzo's calling and I'm not sure how much longer mum will be able to go before she tells Pete just to forget it and not to drive us to the port._

_We're going on holiday, just me and Alonzo. Going to France. All courtsey of Torchwood – almost like a 'congrats on saving the multi-verse' kind of 'all payment included' thing. Not that I'm complaining. It'll give me and Alonzo some time to really get to know each other, which will be good._

_We're travelling light, with just one bag of clothes each and a tent to share. It should be really good. I haven't been to France since that time on the space station with Madame De Pompadour, and it will be nice to see France without some random woman ruining it for me. I'm hoping to collect some good memories to, hopefully, destroy the horrible visions I still get of the Doctor and Madame. Them kissing, them dancing, them in love. It still boils my blood. I know he promised me he didn't love her, it still hurts. And what hurts more is I had loved him for a while then, and still he could get so close to a stranger._

_But anyway, enough of those thoughts, I'm going to France with Alonzo and we're gunna have a brilliant time!_

"Rose!"

"Coming!"

_I really have to go, the last ferry leaves in about 2 hours and it takes around 1 and ½ hours to get there, give or take depending on traffic._

_So, until we get back,_

_Rose.x_


	7. Promises

**told you next one wouldn't be long!**

**alright, yes, i admit it, this chapter is VERY short, but it's full of fluff, so hopefully you won't mind... :P**

**REVIEW! x**

* * *

"Are we nearly there yet?" Alonzo asked _again_,

"No," Rose replied without looking up from her book. She was getting a little tired of Alonzo and his insane questioning about whether or not they had arrived at the campsite yet.

She pretended she hadn't heard him as Alonzo sighed heavily and fell into the seat next to his Rose. They had taken the ferry over to France, and they were now taking a train across the countryside to the site they were booked into. They had only been on the train for 1 of the 3 hours it would take to get them to the campsite, but Alonzo was unused to waiting so long.

"Wow! Rose, look!" Rose slowly lowered her book and cautiously rested it on her knee. This wasn't the first time Alonzo had displayed amazement on the journey, and the last few times Rose hadn't been impressed by the things he had shown her – a bus shelter with people in it, a lorry with English writing on the side, things like that. Okay, true he had once pointed out a rather spectacular view over a river, but compared to the rest, this didn't really stand for much.

"Oh, that's beautiful!" she declared, coming to stand by the window with Alonzo. They were passing through a huge collections of mountains. They seemed to go on forever, long above the clouds.

"I wonder what it looks like from the top…" Alonzo said, almost to himself, "Trains like this would look minuscule," Rose looked at him, his face glowing as he strained to see the top of a mountain they were circling,

"Really puts things in perspective, doesn't it," Rose replied softly, watching is face carefully, "Humans… we think we're so great, so important, but then you see things like this, and you realise… we're not,"

"Must be incredible…" Rose realised he was still talking about going to the top,

"Alonzo, I promise you, if it's the last thing I do, you and me, we're gunna climb a mountain," Rose decided. The look on Alonzo's face when she said this made the whole journey really worthwhile.

"You mean it?! One of these mountains?!"

"Well, maybe not one of _these_ exact ones, but a mountain. Definitely," she grinned up at him, "We'll see what it looks like, the world spread out below, ours for the taking!"

Rose' smile increased with his as Alonzo wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into a hug.

It was then that she realised.


	8. Under The Stars

**aaa! so sorry about the wait! i thought i'd have this up AGES ago! i've just been _so_ busy at the moment!  
on top of that, i'm going back to school :( on friday - point in goin back on friday?? i have no idea! - so uploads will be even less often as i will have barely any time to write!**

**aaaa! my life is very over! not only have i managed to loose my USB pen, the internet is messing up on my laptop AGAIN! just when i thought i'd got it sorted! grrr!**

**so, unfortunatly, uploads could be delayed for a while, which is anoying, as i have LOADS finnished that need to be uploaded, and i can't!! :'(  
but i am still writing as often as i can, so hopefully you will get loads of updates when it's all sorted out again to make up for it! - i can use this story as an example - i have got chapter 11 started now! so this might just kill me!**

**thank you thank you thank you thank you NewDrWhoFan for beta'ing this! woop woop! this is my first uploaded piece of beta'd work!! :) hopefully that means it's gunna be brilliant and get lots of reviews...hint hint nudge nudge ;)**

* * *

"Why did we bother bringing the tent anyway?" Rose complained jokily as she rolled out her sleeping bag next to Alonzo's, just outside the open mouth of the small tent they had brought.

Alonzo shrugged. "It's good shelter from the sun during the day . . . I suppose . . . and it will keep our stuff lovely and dry if it rains."

Rose grinned and snuggled up inside the warmth of her caterpillar, laughing at the seriousness with which her companion had just spoken.

He shifted himself up onto an elbow in order to look at her, and she did the same. Rose grinned; they had chosen a really nice campsite, on the edge of a hill. There were barely any people staying there with them, and Rose and Alonzo had found the most secluded spot they could in which to pitch their tent. They were right up the top of the hill, with a beautiful view of the mountains, overlooking a small lake that you could swim in and a stream trickling down the hill not far away from their pitch. The starts shone brightly down from a cloudless sky, twinkling brightly above the two companions.

They lay like that for a while, just grinning at each other, until Rose finally tuned onto her back, gazing up at the stars she had once travelled--in another universe, with a man so like the one she was lying with now.

"How many are there?" she asked, absentmindedly.

Alonzo took a moment to work out what Rose was talking about, and then turned his gaze from her to the sky, quickly counting in his head. "A lot!" he finally decided on.

"See, that's how I know you're not the Doctor," Rose replied, never taking her eyes off the diamond-studded sky. "The Doctor would've just given me a number, and then looked at me as if I should've already known." She turned to look at Alonzo. "But not you."

Alonzo grinned cheekily. "That's because it would confuse your little human mind too much to think about all the half stars, and full stars, and twice stars, and not stars, and black holes, and . . . ." He trailed off, at the funny look Rose was giving him. "There are just too many possibilities for me to explain them all to you, and I wouldn't want to confuse you!" Rose shook her head and Alonzo's grin increased. "I'll tell you another day," he promised.

"You better!" she joked, prodding him through the many layers their sleeping bags were made up of.

"Oi!" he shrieked, prodding her back. Before long they were laughing and poking each other like madmen, and it didn't take much time for the poke-fight to become a tickle-fight. Rose and Alonzo were screaming with laughter, rolling about in their sleeping bags, trying to get away from the other's insistent ticking, without moving so far away as to not be able to deliver their own attacks.

_He would be a hell of a lot more ticklish if he was human_, Rose thought about the Doctor, as Alonzo squirmed away from her, snorting with laughter. She then shrieked as he got her at his mercy, rolling her onto her back so he had optimum space to tickle her flat stomach. However, not one for giving up, Rose easily found a spot the had Alonzo falling back away from her.

Suddenly, Rose stopped tickling him, instead falling at his side, her gaze once again taken by the sky. "Look, a shooting star!" she breathed.

Alonzo looked at her and grinned. He considered telling her it wasn't in fact a shooting star, and that stars never actually _shot_ anywhere, that they were most often meteors, although this was in fact most likely a spaceship flying a little too close to Earth's atmosphere, probably causing the ship's inhabitants a slight discomfort, although the ship's protection would be enough to keep them completely safe--but at the look on Rose's face as she gazed up at the sky, following the path of the 'shooting star' with her eyes, he decided not to. "Make a wish," he whispered.

Obediently, Rose closed her eyes and wished. When she open them again, she was a little startled to find Alonzo's face peering at her intently, just a little too close.

Rose grinned, hoping to distract him from staring at her quite so attentively. It worked, and Alonzo shook his head, as if waking from a dream.

"What did you wish for?" he asked gently, as if she hadn't just caught him staring at her.

She grinned. _If he's not going to say anything, then neither am I! _she thought. "Can't tell ya! Else it won't come true now, will it?" she laughed and smiled, the one where her tongue just sticks out of her mouth slightly, and then turned back to her friend. "What 'bout you?"

"Nothing." He moved a little closer to her. "Everything I ever wanted is right here, next to me." And before Rose had a chance to reply, his lips were on hers.

It was then that she realised.


	9. Realising

**okay people! this is getting stupid! my internet is now COMPLETELY broken! which is terrible, because i've got THREE (i think, it might just be two!) chapters for this story ALONE finished and waiting to be sent to my lovely beta! and i have no way of getting them on the internet! arg!**

**-alright, if i'm honest, there is a very complicated method i could use to get it up adn sent, but i REALLY don't want to have to do that! not unless i really _have_ to!**

**next chapter should be up in a matter of seconds, as that's ready now!**

**hopefully this will clear up a few quirries i have been notified with! i just hope it's up to expectations! 'realising'! :P**

**thanks as always to everyone who has reviewed (although i would LOVE to have a few more this chapter! pplleeaassee!!), everyone who has put this on their favourites / alerts, and my wonderful beta - NewDrWhoFan!**

**enjoy! and review! x**

* * *

She sat completely still, her feet buried deep in the golden sand surrounding her, as she watched the barely-moving surface of the lake. Her mind elsewhere, she pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them tight to her tired form. Fighting an involuntary shiver as the cold wind attacked her senses, she slowly buried her feet back under the sand, the waves lapping by, but never close enough to touch her. In and out. In and out. In and out. In and out. In and out.

Absentmindedly, she watched as one of the many shadows breezing past approached her and paused just behind where she sat, curled up on the edge of the darkening beach. Out of the corner of her eye, she was aware of the owner of the shadow crouching next to her, almost close enough for her to touch, although she made no move to do so. She allowed him to move closer to her, his hand resting lightly on hers and she leant into his muscled, albeit skinny shoulder as she lost herself in her thoughts. Dreams of another time, memories of lost moments. Things that cannot be repeated, but may be better just left there, in the past.

They continued to sit like that until the sun had long set behind them and the stars were all that were left to illuminate their place by the water. Anyone gazing upon them that night would have seen two lovers, too caught up in each other to notice the world around them, with its cold winds and sinister depths.

"I used to sit like this for hours . . . just . . . waiting." She turned to face him, finding his deep brown eyes fixed firmly on the waters ahead of him, his face unreadable. If he heard her, he made no sign. "I'm scared, Alonzo."

"Me too," he admitted, turning to face Rose in the semi-light.

"What if this doesn't work?"

"Do you want it to?" he asked, hesitantly.

Silence. Because that was the thing. Rose had realised a while back that by accepting Alonzo, by letting him in, she was saying goodbye to the Doctor. She would have to let him go, and she didn't know if she was quite ready for that, yet. She wasn't ready to lose him.

For a while neither of them spoke. Each satisfied with watching the waves, that had just began thanks to the blistering winds. In and out. In and out. In and out. In and--

"He's not coming back, is he?" When Rose eventually whispered the question she already knew the answer to, she still wasn't sure whether she was ready to hear the reply, wasn't sure if she could cope. Alonzo sighed, his brown eyes never moving from the dark waters. _It's like he's looking for something_, Rose thought to herself in the moment of silence, brushing her hair back from her face as the bitter winds picked it up and whipped the strands harshly into her eyes. Her deep, penetrating eyes that never left his face. Eyes that would wait for an answer until he was ready to give one. Eyes that had seen the universe and had not yet tired of it--although they had long since tired of the fight. She could wait.

Slowly and tenderly, Alonzo shook his head, his messy, untameable hair falling over to the side as the winds protested at his movement. He refused to look at her, although he _knew_ she was looking at him. He just didn't want to have to bear the look of sorrow and regret that would so certainly be pasted on her face.

When he could avoid it no longer, he looked down at his companion to find her face, not with a look of devastation, but wearing a perfect mask. She gave nothing away. He checked her eyes for something, anything, a sign of life . . . of understanding. Nothing. It was like she had shut down while he had been scanning the horizon.

"You alright?" he asked.

She shook her head. And then nodded it.

"I'm . . . I'm not sure." And that was the truth. She didn't know what to think, how to react. She had learnt to hide her emotions well after two years of heartbreak, but that wasn't why she did it now. The truth was, she was afraid. Afraid of letting go. Afraid of moving on. Afraid of forgetting. Just _afraid_. She prided herself on bravery. On being the one who wasn't scared, when the moment came, to jump. But, by god, she was scared now! She was scared of this.

"It'll be alright," he offered.

_Will it?_ Rose thought. How can you say that so certainly? How do you know_? _

She didn't voice her questions, though, because at that moment, she realised.  
She wasn't ready.  
Yet.


	10. Loss But Not Lost

**told you next chapter wouldn't take long! although the next will :(**

**once again, thanks to my beta for...well...beta'ing!**

**umm... this is a little different to what i normally write, so your reviews are realy important to me this time! especially as i've done the next chapter in a similar way...**

**in case anyone is interested (and i have included this near the end of this chapter), the song is Lost by Michael Buble, and i really reconmend giving it a listen, as it's really good and i personally think it sums up the situation of Rose and the Doctor brilliantly! seriously, listen to it!  
- if you don't know how to get it, just type the song name and the artist into google and you should get a link to the lyrics/a youtube vid/somewhere to listen to it/somewhere you can download it. and you can do that for almost ANY song! mostly free, but some sites will cost, just navigate away from those and try a different link if you would prefer not to pay!**

**enjoy! review! all the usual stuff! x**

* * *

The Doctor walked absentmindedly along the long TARDIS corridor, humming a tune he couldn't quite put a name to under his breath. _Not that I'd want the lyrics right now_, he thought, letting the soft, slow rhythm flow from his lips. He didn't realise until too late outside of which room he had just stopped.

Slowly, he reached out a hand and trailed his fingers along the dark wood of a room he hadn't been in for so long. Not since Donna.

For a while he considered turning round, just continuing on his way to the control room. He didn't have to go in. Didn't have to remember. Not now. Not yet. He could wait. Wait for the pain to subside again. Wait and bury her underneath an avalanche of other thoughts once he'd found someone else--because he _would_ find someone else. He always did. But he knew trying not to think about her was a different thing entirely from actually not thinking about her. And, actually, not thinking about her had always proved to be a little more difficult than not thinking about something else. She was better than his memories, and she deserved to be remembered.

With that thought firmly in his head, the Doctor allowed his hand to slip down the doorframe, resting on the cold, unused handle. He took a deep breath and opened the door.

Even as he stepped into the room, the mere familiarity of the whole thing almost made him slam the door closed. He wanted to run. Wanted to hide. Wanted to be anywhere but there. Yet still, he continued inside, pulling the door gently closed behind him.

He missed her.

He had missed her the first time he lost her, when she had said forever. _Well, forever got us good, didn't it Rose!_ And he had gotten over it. Sure, it had taken him time, and he still thought about her pretty much every day, but he didn't wallow in self-pity. Donna had been a big help. So had Martha, but Donna had been the best. Martha had just . . . reminded him too much. Reminded him of his loss.

_It should be easier this time,_ he thought, sinking onto her bed. The bed where she used to sleep. The bed she would sit on and write in her diary. The bed where she had, once, after a very bad dream, fallen asleep in his arms.

He leant on the wall behind him, his finger trailing the etching he had found ages ago. Dug deep into the wood at the head of the bed, four words still stood out perfectly. _Doctor, I love you._ It had made both his hearts stop the first time he had found it, and it had proved to be a sort of comfort to him during the years they had spent apart. And now? Now, he didn't feel anything. He was just numb. He didn't know what to think. What to feel. _They all have someone else_. Now he realised the truth of his words, the meaning they held for him. _They all have someone else. And they always will._ He had always thought she would be different. She would be the one he got to keep. The one who didn't have someone else, the one who had him. But not anymore.

He pulled himself off the bed. He was alone. Again. And it was time he dealt with it. He was meant to be alone. He understood that now. That's why his double was made. Because he had to be alone, but Rose would never have let him be. She wouldn't want anyone other than him. Her little inscriptions were enough to prove that.

All over the TARDIS, in random places, Rose's messy handwriting stood out clean and clear. Everywhere. She was always there. Her little messages for her Doctor. Little surprises. Just when he thought he had found them all, he would stumble into a room he hadn't been in for ages, and there would be another. They never ran out. And they all said something different. But it was the one on her bed that really stood out for him.

_She had always been ready_, he thought with a smile. The first proper smile he had smiled in an age. Funny, how she could do that to him. Even when she wasn't there, she could bring a smile to his lips in the darkest times.

He walked out of the room and closed the door silently behind him.

_Can't believe it's over,I watched the whole thing fall,  
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall._

_If I only knew,The days were slipping past,  
That the good things never last,And you were crying,_

All of a sudden, the Doctor remembered the words of the song he had been humming earlier, and _why_.

_She'll be worried. She won't know what to do._ He had thought she would be good, she would be safe, happy, she would be with _him_, effectively. _It won't be enough. She deserves so much more, and this is all I can offer her_.

The memory of her with a large gun came, unbidden into his head as the TARDIS picked up on his thoughts and played the next verse throughout the ship.

_Summer turned to winter,  
The snow it turned to rain,  
And the rain it turned to tears upon your face.  
I hardly recognise,  
The girl you are today,  
And, god, I hope it's not too late.  
It's not too late._

He wanted to reach out, to tell her it was okay. To tell her to move on, to love the man he left her with. _She won't let me go_, he realised with a sickening lurch. It wasn't that he _wanted_ her to forget him, it was just that he wanted her to be happy, to live a good, fulfilling life. The life he had always wanted to give her.

_Cuz you are not alone,  
I'm always there with you,  
And we'll get lost together,  
Until the light comes pouring through.  
And when you feel like you're done,  
And the darkness has won,  
Babe, you're not lost.  
When your world's crashing down,  
And you cannot bear to fall,  
I said, babe, you're not lost._

He continued to think about Rose as he made his way back to the control room, memories flooding his head and tears he could never cry rushing to fill his eyes.

He wanted her to know that he was always with her. That, if she let him, his double could be more for her than he ever was. It would take some time, but surely she would know that he would never have left her there if there had been another way.

He wanted her happy. Wanted her safe. Wanted to give her all the things he never could. Never would. That's why he left her. And he _needed_ her to know that.

He leant against the control console, images floating in front of his eyes. Just moments, brief seconds from times when he was truly happy. And then they were gone, replaced by another time, another smile, another hand in his. Always the same woman standing next to him. Always the same tinkling laughter that could stop and restart either of his hearts at will. The same blonde hair that he would never, ever forget.

He closed his eyes as the song came to an end.

_I said, baby, you're not lost_.

His eyes jumped open again, however, as a cool, metallic voice sounded once the song had completely faded to nothing.

_That was Michael Buble - Lost - dedicated to Rose Tyler, from her Doctor._

He had heard that voice before, many times. It was the voice the TARDIS sometimes used when she deemed her usual beeps and humming not enough.

Another voice sounded. One that stopped one of his hearts and made the other pound frantically at the same time. One that could only mean one thing.

_Um, yes . . . attention passengers, we have just arrived over England. If you look to your right, you can just about see the lights of London coming into view. We shall be landing shortly. Thank you for choosing British Airways, and we hope you are having a pleasant flight_.

The Doctor looked at the TARDIS engine, speechless. "But . . . how did you . . . ?"

And somehow, somewhere, he was sure the TARDIS was grinning.

.o0o0o

A million miles, two years, and a parallel universe away, Rose Tyler sat bolt upright as her name came over the speakers, soon followed by a slightly confused announcement that, Rose was sure, wasn't really needed.

"Did you?" she asked, turning to Alonzo, who's shoulder, until the song had come on, she had been slowly falling asleep on.

He responded to her half-asked question with a look of bewilderment to match hers, and a slow shake of the head.

Rose turned to a hostess, who was walking past selling food and drinks to the people on board the plane, and stopped her.

"Excuse me, but could you tell me what that was all about?" Rose asked, politely.

"Um, that would be the pilot letting you know that you're nearly home," the hostess replied, slightly sarcastically.

Rose sighed heavily, "Not the announcement, the song."

"Oh! Well, from what I could make of it, it was a song about a man telling his lover that she's not lost, even though she far away from where he is . . ." she trailed off at the look Rose was giving her. Once she was quiet again, Rose spoke.

"No. Look, I'm Rose Tyler, and I would very much like to know what that was all about!"

"Right. Sorry. If I'm honest, I have no idea! We're not supposed to play music at all during the flight, as some people don't like it, let alone take requests. Whoever this Doctor is, he must be very persuasive to get the pilot to play that for him. Actually, I didn't even know we had it on board! He must have brought it on himself . . . although he probably shouldn't have."

Rose sat back, unable to believe that it was him. "Thank you." She nodded, dismissing the woman who, despite her lousy start, had given her a little information.

"Oh! He is brilliant!" Alonzo declared, grinning, once the air hostess had walked off to serve some other person. Rose just sat there, a blank expression on her face. The song had just confused her. She had only just begun to accept that Alonzo wasn't the Doctor--could never be the Doctor, not properly--and here it was, the Doctor, doing the impossible, telling her he was with him. She didn't know what to think anymore. "You alright Rose?"

"Yeah," she breathed, not wanting to tell him what was going through her head. "I'm just a little tired, is all."

He nodded, and then smiled, slipping his arm around her. He pulled her to rest her head back on his shoulder so she could sleep a little more before touchdown in London.

Rose let her head drop to his shoulder, her eyes suddenly heavy. She could remember her last thought before she fell into a—thankfully--dreamless sleep. _Is he with me or not?_ And that thought stayed with her until she was tucked up in her own bed in the Tyler mansion.

Just as she was about to fall back to sleep for the second time that night, Rose remembered the last line of the song: _baby, you're not lost_. But the only thing she knew for certain was this: _Yes I am, Doctor! I'm lost and I'm confused! And you're not here!_


	11. All Of Me

**hey people! i've just got this chapter back from my beta, so all problems should be solved!**

**i'm SO happy!! ) i've found my USB pen! soo updates should be back to normal! unfortunatly, i'm back to school, and am already overloaded with homework, so anything after chapter 13 (which is as far as i've got up to so far) (not including the prologue) may be a little delayed for that reason ( hopefully, i will find the time to write somehow anyway!**

**bit of a songfic this, hopefully i haven't written it too badly lol! i just was writing this chapter and the lyrics of the song kept popping up in my head until i had to interpret them into this somehow, the reslut... well, i'll let you be the judge of that!  
for anyone who is interested, the song is My Immortal by Evenesence, and i really recomend it to anyone who hasn't heard it! or anyone who has heard it but has forgotten it lol! it's a really great song, and sums up (in my oppinion) the situation quite nicely!**

**please REVIEW! just to let me know how this is coming along. even two words would be fantastic, just to give me a bit of feedback and possibly a few pointers if there's something you think is missing from the story. i don't know! just tap down a couple of words to sum up your feelings about this so far!**

**enjoy! x**

_

* * *

_

I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my  
Childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone!

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just so much that  
Time can not erase._

Jackie paused at the gentle sound of the piano and her daughter's soft singing, and sighed heavily. Slowly, she turned away from the kitchen and headed to the music room. She would get this sorted out.

_When I cried you'd wipe away all of my tears  
When I screamed you'd fight away all of my fears  
And I held your hand through all of those years  
Now you still have  
All of me._

"Rose?" Jackie slowly pushed open the door to the music room. The door Rose had shut to keep people out.

On her mother's entrance, Rose quickly removed her hands from the keys of the piano as if they had bitten her. She spun around to face Jackie, still framed in the doorway. "Yes, Mum?" It took quite an effort not to sound bitter at the interruption.

Jackie didn't answer. Instead she made her way around the piano to sit by Rose. Gently, she picked up her daughter's hand in her own and whispered, almost to herself, "You've gotta stop this, Rose. You can't do this to yourself."

"What? What am I doing that's so terrible?" Rose couldn't help herself from snapping at her mother's words.

"All . . . this!" Jackie gestured vaguely around the room in a vain attempt to show her daughter what she was talking about. "You're still living your life for the Doctor, and it's not fair. Not to you, and not to Alonmo--or whatever you're calling him these days . . . ."

"Alonzo," Rose corrected automatically. "And I know, Mum, I know it's not fair. It's just . . . hard. You must've felt it with Dad! It's like . . . he's not the same man, no matter how much you want him to be. But at the same time, I don't want him to be the same person, 'cause he's not. He's different. And I want to love him like I loved the Doctor, but I just don't know if I'm ready to let go of that life yet. Oh, God! I just don't know anymore! Every time I look at him I see the Doctor, and I don't want to, but at the same time I kind of do . . . but it's so confusing! And I hate this! I hate it!" Rose took a deep breath as she wiped at her eyes, only now realising she had been crying. This was the first time she had admitted any of that, even to herself. "I just don't know what to do," she admitted more softly.

"You're just gunna have to work it out, aren't you?" Rose had to admire her mother's honesty, and, even if it wasn't exactly what she wanted to hear, she knew it was true.

"It's difficult, Mum," Rose whispered, turning back to the keyboard.

"No one said it would be easy."

Rose nodded, accepting the fact. She brought her fingers back to the keys, playing a quick bar before turning back to her Mum. "It's just . . . ." She trailed off, concentrating instead on her music. Another two bars, and Rose began to sing again.

_He used to captivate me  
By his resonating mind  
Now I'm bound by the life I left behind  
His face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
His voice, it chased away  
All the sanity in me_

Jackie rose and smiled, brushing her hand across her daughter's back as she moved out of the room. Rose looked up at her Mum, retuning the smile with a somewhat broken one as she entered the next part of the song.

Closing the door quietly behind her, Jackie leant against the frame of the door, breathing heavily. She turned to face the play room, where she had left Alonzo playing with Tony. It was funny, she probably would never have left the Doctor alone with her two-year-old son a few years ago, but now she felt she could trust him, no matter how she had once despised him.

She pulled herself together and crossed the hall to the play room, sitting next to Alonzo on the small sofa. Smiling sadly, she took her son from his hands and put her hand on his shoulder, "I'm sorry," she told him.

Alonzo looked up at her, frowning. He had just been telling Tony what a brilliant holiday he and Rose just had in France, and now Jackie was apologising?

"She only plays when she's upset," Jackie said by way of explanation, and, sure enough, when he listened, he could hear a piano playing and just make out Rose's soft voice from across the hall.

_These wounds don't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just so much  
That time can not erase,_

Alonzo looked up at the woman who sat next to him, her attention turned to her son. He frowned, getting up to walk out of the room. By the door, he paused and looked back at the family he had been so graciously invited into. Pete was still at work, but Alonzo knew he would be back in a few hours. Quietly, the ex-Doctor pulled the door closed behind him, and followed the voice down the corridor to the music room--the music room he hadn't even realised they had in the Tyler mansion. Idly, he wondered how many rooms there were that he didn't know about. He pushed the thought to the back of his mind, however, when Alonzo reached the closed door of the music room, behind which was Rose.

_When I cried, he'd wipe away all of my tears  
When I screamed, he'd fight away all of my fears  
And I held his hand through all of these years_

Cautiously, Alonzo pushed open the door and crept inside.

_And he still has  
All of me_

She broke off at the touch of a hand on her shoulder and spun around to see Alonzo standing close behind her, his fingers entwined in the wisps at the back of her hair.

"Don't stop on my account, that's good," he whispered softly, allowing his hand to slip down her back to rest at his side. Rose bit her lip, as though considering wether to continue or not. Taking a deep breath, she continued to sing. Softly at first, but then, as the music climaxed, Rose's fingers worked faster, and she let herself be carried by the music. Her own emotions flooding into the song as she matched the lyrics with her memories.

_I tried so hard to tell  
Myself that you're gone  
And though you're still with me  
I am alone.  
I'm alone._

_When I cried you'd wipe away all of my tears  
When I screamed you'd fight away all of my tears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me_

She repeated the last line softly, bringing the music to a close with a few deft flicks of her fingers. When she had finished and closed the lid over the keys, Rose turned to face the man standing alarmingly close to her back. She smiled at him, but it was a broken smile, a half smile. He flashed her a grin in return, choosing to ignore the fact that her heart wasn't really in it at the moment.

"That was beautiful. Just beautiful," he murmured, his hand back on her shoulder. And he honestly couldn't think of a better word to describe what he had just heard. She was an amazing singer, much better than he had ever imagined. Actually, he had never really thought about it.

Rose blushed a little, and gave Alonzo a bigger, modest smile as thanks. "It's difficult," Rose whispered, not meeting his eyes.

Alonzo frowned. _What's difficult? The singing?_

Seeing his expression, Rose continued, "All . . . this. It's difficult to come to grips with." Alonzo nodded. It was hard for him, too, living in the constant shadow of a man he was supposed to be a copy of, but never would or could be. "It's just . . . it's weird, really." Rose looked up at the half Time Lord. "Am I making sense?" she asked. When he nodded, Rose sighed, leaning her head back against his chest. "I can't do this on my own."

Taking that as a cue to leave, Alonzo moved back slightly from his position right behind her, causing her head to loll a bit at the loss of support. "I'll . . . just give you some time to think, then."

Rose looked up at him, hurt and confused. "I don't want you to leave," she sniffed, obviously fighting back hoardes of tears. "I seriously _can't_ do this by myself!"

Alonzo stepped forward as Rose buried her head in her hands, sobbing softly. "If you let me in, you won't have to," he whispered into her ear, holding her close.

He felt her head move against him. Reluctantly, he let her go when she began to pull away. "It's so difficult, you being him and all," she explained. Alonzo opened his mouth to protest, to say that he wasn't the Doctor, but Rose continued before he could get any of the words out. "I know you're not _actually_ him, but near enough. It's difficult letting in a man with the face of the man you really want."

Alonzo tried to tell himself that last sentence didn't hurt. "Rose, someday you'll realise that, where I'm not the Doctor, I can be everything you want him to be. I can help you get over him." He watched Rose's face carefully as he said these words, trying so hard not to say anything to hurt her further. "But maybe you're not ready. Maybe you need to cling to the possibility that he's coming back for a little longer. And if you are, then I'm fine with that." Again, he paused, giving her time to jump in with something else if she wanted, but Rose remained silent, staring at the floor as if it held all the answers. "Just let me know, Rose, tell me what you want from me and I'll give it to you." He reached out to brush a stray hair behind her ear, his fingertips just grazing her skin. "I'll wait for you, Rose."

To his surprise, not to mention Rose's, Alonzo didn't move his hand from where it had stopped at the side of her head. Instead, he found himself cupping the edge of her face in a gentle touch, holding her so she had to look at him.

Rose's deep, brown eyes blinked once, releasing a fresh tear that had been clinging to the end of one of her long, mascara-clad eyelashes, and sending it sliding down her face, following a dark path made by one of its predecessors down her cheek. Carefully, as though afraid he might drop her, she leant into Alonzo's gentle caress. Her eyes, now trained on his, never left his face as she whispered, "It's a long way to fall, I don't think I'd survive it again."

"I'd catch you if you did."

"What if you dropped me?"

"You'll just have to trust me not to," he answered. He watched as she broke their eye contact, looking down to the floor. He followed her gaze, before looking back at her, to find her eyes already on him. "Is it worth the risk?" he asked.

Rose couldn't bring herself to answer, finding the floor much more comforting than Alonzo's whispered words.

He smiled sadly, and raised her head gently with his fingertips, "When you find the answer, let me know." He waited for her to nod slowly, promising him that she would, before he dipped his head and softly brushed her lips with his. It couldn't really be called a kiss, it just wasn't . . . enough to be a kiss. But it was enough for the two of them, enough to help them somewhat.

Pulling away, Alonzo smiled sadly, as though it were his fault, not hers. He dropped his hands back to his sides as he stood. Followed by Rose's eyes, he turned and walked out the room without a second glance, pulling the door shut behind him. And Rose just watched. Well, what more was there to do, really?

Slowly, she brushed her lips with her fingertips, following the line he had drawn with his own, as though she couldn't quite believe what had just happened. Quietly, Rose Tyler let out a long sigh before turning back to the piano. She softly raised the cover and rested her fingers on the keys she knew so well. She took a deep breath, but still didn't make any move to play. It was as though she couldn't decide whether or not she was allowed to make any sound at all.

Softly, Rose pressed down on one of the keys with the middle finger on her left hand. So softly, the note didn't actually sound. But she hardly noticed this. Her fingers sliding easily over the keys, Rose began to play again, slowly and softly, but perfectly audible.

_When I cried, you'd wipe away all of my tears  
When I screamed, you'd fight away all of my fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But can he keep holdOf all of me?_

_­_Alonzo leaned back against the closed door, smiling softly as he listened to Rose repeat the end of her song for a second time. He knew the lyrics well, and he knew what Rose meant by them, all the way through. _She's done a good job of it_, he thought, the parts Rose had changed slightly echoing in his head.

Inside the music room, Rose pressed lightly on the last key in the piece, ending it once again. As the last note sounded in the room, Rose brought her hands to her head once again, but this time, no tears ran from her tired eyes. There was nothing left for her to cry. But she couldn't tell if that was a good thing or not. She knew she was healing. But she couldn't tell if she was ready or not. Alonzo's words still rang clear in her head, _I'd catch you if you fell_, but did she want him to be the one to catch her? She knew she was willing to wait the rest of her life for the Doctor, but maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't have to. Maybe, just maybe, Alonzo could be more than the Doctor could be. Maybe, he could heal what time, it seemed, could not. She would just have to wait and see.


	12. Sweet Dreams

**okay guys!! i'm here and i'm baack and i'm alive!!! and i'm so so so so so sorry for the delay!! i know i promised you chapters when i last updated, but the thing is, i thought i had sent them to NewDrWhoFan to be beta'd AGES ago, but apparently i forgot! lol, so, while i have been waiting yonks to get about 2 or 3 chapters back, the lovely NewDrWhoFan has been waiting to recieve them! opps!**

**anyway... i've noticed how, dispite the desription for this story says oneshots, i've been basing this on much more of a storyline than i first had in mind. and that's fine, and personally i'm quite happy with how the whole thing's been going so far, but i thought it was about time to return to the original idea of 'a series of oneshots'. still all leading on from each other, but a bit more unique than previously!**

**right, so, please review! i know i've been out of action for a while but that's no excuse! keep me up to date with your thoughts on this story! and once again, any ideas for further chapters would be wonderful... it's great to hear what others think!  
surely you can spare the time just to write a couple of words down in responce to the chapter! i found the time to write all this!!  
i'm especially interested in hearing from peolpe who reviewed / alerted / favourited this story from the very first / second chaters, just to seee what they think of the story now it's progressed a bit!**

**i won't hold you back any more now! thank you for sticking with me dispite the delay, and hopefully the next few chapters will be really worth the wait!**

**enjoy! xx**

* * *

Alonzo woke with a start, panting heavily. Within a second of waking, he was sat bolt upright in his bed, his eyes franticly searching the room for any signs of the lingering dream. Slowly, he reached for his bedside lamp, his fingers scrabbling for the familiar feel of the switch in his grip. Feeling his hand curl itself around the object of his desire, Alonzo quickly flicked the tiny switch, bathing the room in a soft, yellowish glow. The light crept into every corner, proving to Alonzo what he'd already known – it was just a dream.

Yet this still wasn't enough, he needed to see her, needed to _know_ that she was safe – that she was with him. Needed to know he hadn't lost her.

"It was just a dream, she's here, you don't need proof, she's here, you know she's here," but no manner of whispering to himself was going to settle his active mind. Eventually, Alonzo heaved himself out of bed, his feet finding a grip on the softness of the carpet in his bedroom. He allowed himself a smile at that – him! in a room with carpets! It was definitely not something he had ever thought would happen, he could tell you that much!

Shivering slightly, and instantly regretting his decision to leave his warm duvet, Alonzo reached over and grabbed a thick jumper he and Rose had brought a while back. Sliding it over his head and running a hand through his messy, bedhead hair, he padded across the room towards the door, pausing for a moment before he pushed it open and stood in the corridor, the door swinging almost-shut behind him. Taking one step, he found that the floorboards creaked in the house, and stepped much more carefully with the next.

Luckily for him, Rose's room wasn't far down the hall from Alonzo's, so he didn't have to creep through the house for long, constantly on alert for the mother to make an appearance at any moment and tell him off for being out of his room at this late hour.

Rose's door stood just ajar, and there was a soft glow sneaking out the crack towards Alonzo. He carefully pushed the door open, but not far enough for her to see him if she was still awake. Peeping through, he saw Rose sat cross legged on her bed, her back to him. She was holding something in her hands, but her body was blocking Alonzo from seeing what it was.

Carefully and quietly, he pushed the door the rest of the way and stepped in, whispering, "Rose." At first she didn't seem to hear him, all her concentration on the –whatever- in her hands. "Rose," he repeated, slightly louder this time, but still soft. She heard that one, and snapped her head found to face her friend and companion. He could see at once that she had been crying.

In an instant, Alonzo had her in his arms, her tear strained face resting over his shoulder and her arms returning the hug gratefully. She hated herself for being so pathetic, she had thought she had run out of tears to cry, but she never seemed to be done. She would never get over him!

Slowly, she pulled away slightly, allowing Alonzo to keep his grip on her, but still able to look him in the eye when she spoke to him. It comforted him slightly when she made no move to take her hands from his neck, and he returned the favour by keeping a gentle hold on the top half of her arms. She sniffed quietly and looked away, only to bring her head straight back round to look at him again.

He brought a hand to her head, "Are you alright?" he asked softly.

She nodded, and the shook her head, the nodded it again, "'S nothing. Silly really," she unlinked her hands behind his head and brought one to wipe her eyes, the other quickly snatching up the thing she had been looking at, the thing that Alonzo recognised as a photo in the brief few seconds he had to look at it before Rose had removed it's presence. He watched silently as Rose slipped the photo in her bedside drawer, shutting it firmly. Wiping her eyes again with the back of her hand, Rose continued, "It's just me being the stupid ape that I am and not knowing what's good for me!"

Alonzo looked a little hurt at her comment, "You're not stupid Rose," he whispered, his fingertips brushing along her jaw line softly. She closed her eyes at his touch, and he pretended not to notice her cheeks obtain a slight red colour.

She shook her head, knocking Alonzo's fingers from her face and turned to look at him, a much less painful look on her face, "Yes I am, I'm stupid. I've been stupid. But I'm getting better," they shared a smile that Rose broke by wiping her eyes again.

"Anyway," she continued, "I'm forgetting, you came to see me. Is there anything I can help you with at…" she trailed off to look at the luminous clock on her table, "2 o'clock in the mourning!?" she grinned, and didn't notice for a while the Alonzo wasn't.

"He misses you," he told her without looking at her.

Rose snorted, "He has Donna, he has no reason to miss me. He'll be having a whale of a time out there! All those planets to see, people to meet, planets to save! He won't have time to miss me!" she smiled, the first proper smile she had smiled in a long time when talking about the Doctor, "As much as I miss him," she added under her breath, more to herself than to Alonzo.

Alonzo decided not to tell Rose that Donna wouldn't be there, not any more. That no human mind could hold a Time Lord consciousness. He knew it would make her feel worse, and he didn't want her to miss him any more than she absolutely had to. She already had suffered so much at the hands of the so-called 'great' man, and Alonzo wouldn't be adding to the pile any more so long as he could help it.

"He was just… lying there," Alonzo spoke so suddenly after so long being quiet that Rose jumped a little at the sound of his voice. He still wouldn't look at her, even when she frowned and obviously didn't understand. He wasn't sure he should be telling her this at all, it was just too much to bare on his own, "On your old bed, in the TARDIS, his fingers tracing the words you carved into the wood at the top of your bed – you remember? He didn't move for so long. He just… remembered you. Sitting in silence, humming a song that he had long lost the words to, thinking about you. He wanted to reach out, to talk to you, he wanted to say so much, but there was nothing left to say. He didn't tell you so much that he should've, but he could never bring himself to find the words. And now he never can. He's just a Time Lord without enough time. He would give you all the time in the universe, but there never seemed to be long enough in the end. He never did tell you… but he always wanted to. And he was just… _sat there_, thinking of nothing. Thinking of so much. Rose, he misses you more than he's ever missed anyone in his whole life – and, trust me, that's saying something. And he can't quite understand why he would sacrifice his planet all over again just to spend one more day with you, but he knows he would. He wants you to have a happy and fulfilling life, but he doesn't want to let you go. Over and over in his head, he keeps telling himself you'll be happier this way, but he still can't get you out of his head. The only thing keeping him going these days are the thought of you being happy. All he wants is for you to be happy… Trust me on this Rose, he misses you like hell!"

Rose looked away as Alonzo finally looked at her. Tears that weren't hers rushing to her eyes. She wanted to get over this, wanted to prove to the Doctor that she _was _happy, that he was going for a reason, but she just couldn't let go. She didn't want to fall. Not yet.

"And he told you this, did he?" Rose asked sarcastically, trying to take her mid off what Alonzo just told her.

"I dreamt it," he admitted, realising how pathetic and unreal that sounded. But he knew it was more than a dream, he _knew_ it!

Rose nodded, her eyebrows raised, "Right, you _dreamt _it…"

"But it was more than a dream, Rose! Don't you see?! He's a part of me as much as I'm a part of him and I _know_ he misses you…" he was going to say something else, but he decided to leave it there, the end of that sentence was better off unsaid

"I miss him."

"I know." Alonzo gathered her into his arms again, all sour feelings forgotten as they held each other tightly.

Eventually, Alonzo knew he had to let go. He knew he couldn't hold onto her forever, as much as he wanted to. Reluctantly, he pulled away, tucking a few strands of wispy, blond hair behind her ear as he let her fall back onto her pillow. Her eyes flickered shut, and then open again, and then shut. Smoothing her brow with one hand, Alonzo pulled her into a more comfortable position on the bed, slipping the duvet out from under her once she was settled. Carefully, he stood up, his thumb still stroking her forehead softly. She moaned slightly, but Alonzo knew she was asleep now. Gently, he removed his hand from her face and switched off her bedside lamp, creeping across her room to the door.

"Alonzo…" a quiet voice from the bed stopped him in his tracks, his hand resting on the door, about to push it open.

"Yes, Rose?" he asked, already moving away from the door and back towards the nearly-asleep human,

"Don't go," she whispered. It was more a question than a command, and Alonzo nodded gratefully as he made his way back to the bed.

Rose moved up so she was only taking up less than half the large double bed, and Alonzo slid carefully next to her, pulling the duvet over himself as well as her. His hand found hers under the covers and they lay like that for a long time, neither asleep, but neither quite awake either.


	13. Snow

**a unpromised chapter now! see?? wait long enough and i'll upload a feew at a time! :P lol!**

**hopefully quite a sweet chapter, loads of memories in it though! so slightly sad too.**

**what can i say?? i love snow, and this just sorta came to me randomly, wouldn't leave me alone till i'd written it! truethfully (and i only just thought of this) maybe i should've waited till a little closer to Christmas to do this, but i've already started work on a Christmas special for you all, so it kinda had to come now!  
and the fact that i would probably forget about it if i left it also might just have something to do with the fact that i'm uploading this now! hehe! :P :)**

**i've mentioned the fact that i'm planning a Christmas special.... do you think it's a good idea?? i know what Alonzo got Rose, but if anyone could think of something brilliant for Rose to get him back, that would be... well, it'd be brilliant really lol!  
and you're kinda owed quite a few chapters between now and Christmas, because i need certain things to have happened for a lot of my special (so far) to make sense lol! :) lucky you! :P  
just keep reminding me...**

**as always, don't forget to scribble down your thoughts at the end of this chapter, just to give me a little hint as to where to go with this, and what you're thinking about it! even if you hate it (which hopefully you don't!), let me know, and let me how i can improve while you're at it!**

**enjoy! xx**

* * *

"Come on Doctor!" she shouted behind her, clinging onto his hand and dragging him up the steep hill.

The Doctor slipped on a patch of –especially slippery – ice, and Rose had to hold onto his hand with both of hers to stop them from both falling face-first, into the deep snow.

They had been walking for a while, Rose dragging the Doctor, and the Doctor dragging the sledge. All because Rose insisted on going down the steep, snow covered hill as soon as she had stepped out of the TARDIS on the planet of Noir. Obviously, despite the fuss he had made before finally agreeing with her, the Doctor had secretly known she would want to go sledging before they had even arrived on the planet, and he had – although he wouldn't admit it – really been looking forward to it, ever since Rose had mentioned how much she had loved it when she was a kid.

Rose slipped and fell into the soft snow, not nearly as cold as she had thought it would be, and began to slide. The Doctor stumbled, and, grabbing her hand ever tighter, tried to pull her to her feet without letting go of the sledge. Grinning, Rose tangled one of her legs with one of his own, and pulled it out from under him, sending him flying onto the snow beside her. Sitting up and brushing the snow from his face, the Doctor wedged the sledge into a deeper pile by a small plant, and turned his attention to the cause of him sitting on a hill, in the all-year-winter, in 10-inch deep snow! Rose screamed and crawled away as he slowly approached her, stretching out a snow-filled hand towards her. Quickly, she grabbed her own handful of snow and, without waiting like he was, threw it at him. It hit him right in the chest, exactly on target. The Doctor looked down, as though not quite believing what she had just done, and then threw his snowball. Rose was quicker though, and ducked, letting the Doctor's weapon splat into a tree behind her. She scooped up another handful, but the Doctor was quicker this time, and his second throw hit the target straight in the face! Rose blinked, shaking the snow from her hair and face, before slowly pulling herself to her feet, grabbing snow in each hand as she went. The Doctor backed away, seeing what was coming next, and scrambled to get a good enough foothold to pull himself to his own feet.

"No!" Rose's shout made him look behind him, to where he could see the sledge, no longer securely stuck in a snowdrift, but sliding happily down the hill. Rose and the Doctor looked at each other, grinned, and began to chase it before it went too far and their whole track up there was wasted.

It was a long time before the two of them reached the top of the hill/mountain _thing_, but when they did, they didn't take much time admiring the incredible view, rather, they were too caught up in setting up the sledge to slide down.

Rose grinned as she climbed into the front of the wooden frame, her gloved fingers clinging onto the sides for support as the Doctor pushed her and it perilously close to the edge. She wrapped her scarf more securely around her neck and buried her face into the scruff of her collar to protect against the blistering winds that were sure to arrive. As a last resort, she pushed back the fur-rimmed hood on her thick coat, to save the wind a job, tucking her blond hair tightly behind her ears.

She looked back at the Doctor, both grinned for a moment, and then he pushed the sledge over the bump he had rested it on, hurriedly scrambling to get on before the stronger gravity field pulled them down the hill, picking up speed and snow as it went.

The Doctor grabbed the strings that had been conveniently placed by his handrests, and began to steer them down the hill, avoiding bumps and trees alike.

Rose tipped her head back and laughed, joined almost immediately, by the Doctor. Looking back at the man sat behind her, her grin increased, and, understanding what she wanted him to do, he carefully let go of the reins, letting nature take control of the sledge. He slipped his arms around her waist as they flew over a bump, holding her safely to him. Their thick winter coats they had been provided with at the lodge protected them from most of the cold, but Rose couldn't help but feel warmer with the Doctor's arms tight around her. She lent into his embrace, smiling contently to herself when…

"Rose!" Alonzo's face came into vision, chasing away scenes of her and the Doctor on one of the many planets they had visited, just enjoying each others company. She shook her head, clearing it of the memory, "Rose, you ready to go? It's just there's not going to be any snow left if you're much longer!"

"Come on, Alonzo! There's plenty of snow there, I'm sure it will keep for a minuet," he just grinned at her, reaching behind the door to grab her coat, and then throwing it at her. She laughed, took one last sip of her hot chocolate and one last look at the swirling snowflakes, before getting to her feet and pulling her coat on, doing the buttons up firmly.

Alonzo grabbed her hand and they ran out the house, ignoring Jackie's shouts of "Don't stay out too long! You'll catch a cold!" He rolled his eyes at Rose and she bit back a giggle as she unlocked the front door. They felt like a couple of kids again, running out to play in the pathetic excuse for snow! At least this time, there was actually enough for them to sledge down the small hill just 5 minuets walk from the house. Rose grabbed a couple of small, plastic sledges from the garage and handed one to Alonzo, who took it gleefully, hugging it to his chest. And then they were running, trying to see if they could get there in less than the supposed 5 minuets, leaving clear footprints in the crisp snow. Rose laughed, she knew those prints would probably still be there when they got back, it wasn't snowing that heavily.

They sledged for about an hour, racing each other down the hill, and, just once, Rose turned her sledge sharply, crashing into Alonzo's and sending them both flying across the field, her landing heavily on top of him. Alonzo shoved Rose off him and she lay on her back in the snow, making a snow angle.

"Right, now you!" Rose commanded, one she had stood up to admire the shape she had made on the ground. Alonzo bent over, writing 'my angle', with an arrow to the figure, in the snow. Then, grinning sheepishly, he flopped back on top of Rose's angle, making his own across hers. She hit him playfully on the arm when he got up, but he just laughed, and it wasn't long before they got into a snow fight, throwing large snowballs the size of their fists at each other's heads. At one point, Alonzo grabbed her wrist, standing alarmingly close to her. Rose felt her heart pound somewhere in her throat as he slowly bent his head towards her. The next thing she knew, she had a face full of snow, and Alonzo was skipping away from her, grinning cheekily as he went. Rose shook the snow from her face, not able to move for a moment because of the shock of it, and then she was running after him, a sinister look of revenge replacing the snow on her face.

A hour or so later, they were making a snowman. They managed to get it to a rather large size considering the small amount of snow there was actually on the ground. It had been trying, unsuccessfully, to snow for three days now, and Rose and Alonzo wanted to make the best of it while it lasted.

Once the snowman was finished, the two of them began removing hats, gloves, scarves, Alonzo even took off his shoes(!), to embellish their little man.

"He should have a name," Alonzo said once they were finished. Rose nodded, still laughing jubilantly, flopping onto the remaining snow, "He should have a good strong name!" he added, coming to sit next to Rose.

Rose nodded again, not really listening as Alonzo continued to ramble on about the importance of names.

…Rose and the Doctor sat in a café, drinking something that was almost hot chocolate, but wasn't quite. Their sledge was resting in the doorway of the little café, dripping lukewarm drops of melted snow onto the mat, where it was immediately evaporated into the atmosphere thanks to the hot air coming from the high-tech rug-thing…

"What about 'Bob'?" Alonzo tried, but Rose shook her head, dismissing that as not strong enough for their snowman, "Um…" he trailed off, trying to think of some other good name.

…They watched as the blue sun set in a pale purple sky, bathing the planet in a beautiful – and random – golden glow. Rose tore her eyes off the amazing scenery to watch the man sat opposite her. She was just thinking how lucky she was when the Doctor turned to face her staring at him. She blushed and turned back to the view, but not before he had seen the way she had been looking at him…

"We could call him Alonzo junior?"

"Why can't he be a girl?"

"_He_, Rose, _he_!" Rose just raised her eyebrows.

"Maybe he shouldn't have a name, maybe we shouldn't know exactly who he is, so we don't get upset when he melts."

"Maybe we should just call him 'Doctor'," Rose didn't miss the bitterness in Alonzo's voice when he spoke, but she couldn't say she blamed him.

"Maybe we should…" He turned to look at her, he could tell she was only half paying attention to the conversation. Rose shivered and Alonzo realised he was getting a little chilly himself. _Strange_, he thought, _I always used to able to go much longer in cold conditions!_ He supposed it was all a part of being half Human, and he would just have to get used to it.

"Maybe you're right," Alonzo finally agreed, breaking Rose – not for the first time – from deep thoughts, "Maybe he shouldn't be known. Maybe he should just be that little man we once knew, but quickly forgot, because it would put us all in danger if we knew exactly who he was," Rose nodded, almost smiling. Alonzo slipped his arm around her shoulders, "Maybe we should leave, it's getting cold," Rose nodded, letting him pull her to her feet.

"Maybe we'll come back for our little nobody?" she asked, looping her own arm around his waist.

"Maybe we will!" he agreed, moving his hand from her shoulder to the more intimate position by her hip, "We've only got forever!" She gave him a weak smile and together they grabbed their sledges and walked back to the house – the promise of a good, hot, cup of tea calling to them.

Rose knew she would have to learn to control these memories if she wanted to live a happy life with Alonzo. Something she found herself wanting more every day.


	14. Better at Running

**hey! HUGE thanks to NewDrWhoFan for sorting this chapter out! it was SUCH a mess i wasn't even gonna post it, but here it is! so the BIGGEST THANK YOU EVER to her for making it better!! :)**

**alright, very short chapter, so, in the fear that my AN is gonna be longer than the actual chapter, i won't say anymore today...**

**... except REVIEW!!**

* * *

Rose peeled off the soaking swimming costume, wrapping one of the towels tightly around herself. She ripped the goggles from around her neck and threw them distastefully on the ground next to her bright red costume. Next she slipped into her dry, warm clothes, shaking small droplets of water from her quivering form. She stuffed her costume and goggles into her swimming bag, which she shouldered, before snatching up the towels and stepping out of the changing room.

Dabbing at her hair and feeling rather like a drowned rat, Rose noticed a man in shorts that didn't look quite right, and a white, sleeveless shirt drenched in perspiration, jogging towards her from the direction of the gym, waving.

Alonzo brought himself to a stop just short of Rose, accepting his own towel from her. He began to wipe his brow furiously, causing his already untameable hair to stand even more strangely on his head. Rose hid a smirk as Alonzo then moved on to dab at his underarms, looking for the world like a madman.

"Never. Again." He managed between pants.

Rose nodded, "No, health and fitness just isn't for us," she agreed, "We're much better at running anyway!"

He looked up, grinning, "Speaking of which…" he replied, holding out his hand to her, still holding the towel in his other. Rose returned his wolfish grin, her towel also in her other hand, and grabbed his, allowing him to pull her off, away from the changing rooms, out the door, and down the road.

And she was right: if they were going to exercise, they had to do it their own way, and there way only one way that they could really call theirs. Running for their lives…

Or, just running for the sake of it!


	15. Reflections

**okay, here's the next chapter for you lovely readers and -hopefully- reviewers!! =D**

**i've got about three more fresh from the wonderful NewDrWhoFan, my fantastic beta! **

**alright, there is an ending on your way too. originally, i wasn't sure if i _would_ end this, and just leave it open to update whenever i came up with something, but i found myself writing the final chapter and thinking 'this is how i want to end it', so i did lol!**

**please review! -tell me off for taking so long to upload -tell me off for forgetting to write my A/N before publishing and having to come back to write it now hehe -give me your thoughts on the fact that the series is coming to an end (i would say story but, in my head at least, it is more of a series than an individual story haha) -whatever you feel once you've read the lastest addition, just scribble down a couple of words and it will really make my day!! =D**

**anyway, best not keep you any longer! read, enjoy, REVIEW (just felt likei should put that in one more time hehe). x**

* * *

Alonzo stood close to the mirror, smoothing his fingertips across the slight stubble on his chin, debating whether or not he should trim it down any more than he already had. Shrugging, he moved away from the mirror, pulling a black jacket over his skinny form and white shirt. Quickly, he ran his hands through his hair, ruffling up the previously almost-flattened, not-ginger locks into an ecstasy of mess. _The way it should be_, he couldn't help but think as he caught sight of his reflection once more.

Turning away, Alonzo switched his attention to the complicated cufflinks on the sleeves of his shirt when his reflection caught his eye again. Frowning, his cufflinks forgotten, he moved towards the mirror once more, a man he never could be staring back at him. It felt as if the Doctor were still there, somehow, and he was mocking him. Alonzo looked at the ground before returning his gaze to the reflection in front of him. He raised one eyebrow, then the other, then brought them both down again, suddenly, he raised both arms in the air and waggled the fingers of his right hand. He knew he was seeing things, but the man in the mirror seemed to raise his eyebrows at Alonzo as they both lowered their arms at the exact same time.

_I'll never be him_, Alonzo thought, pulling up a chair to throw himself in and resting his head in his hands, _I'll never be what she deserves!_

Alonzo sat like that for a while, until Rose's soft, happy voice drifted up the stairs to him, calling him to say that they would have to go in a minute, and how long did it take for him to be ready when she knew it took _her_ ages! That woke him up. Sitting upright in his chair, Alonzo looked at his reflection again.

The man he saw may have been the Doctor once, but even a reflection has it's differences. And that's all he was, a reflection of the great Time Lord, and echo of what he could be, but Alonzo knew that he could be more, that Rose wanted him to be more. _A reflection doesn't have to be happy just being a reflection_, and a reflection could make a life for itself too, so the reflection becomes the reality, and the reality has the life the reflection never could, while Alonzo would reflect that, and have the life the Doctor always wanted, but never could have.

_After all_, he thought,_ I may be a reflection. But it's the reflection Rose is going out with tonight!_

And, with that, Alonzo finished with the cufflinks, took one last look at his reflection, and the man he could never be, before he left the room.

"You look…" Rose declared as Alonzo came down the stairs, grinning happily.

"You look pretty good yourself," he remarked, when in actual fact he couldn't think of any time _anyone_ had looked even half as good as Rose did that evening, and he had the Doctor's memories too! But nothing could compare to the smiles on the young couple's faces as Rose took Alonzo's offered arm and they stepped out into the cold night, a taxi parked and waiting for them in the extensive driveway.

Yes, he was just a reflection of a great man. Yes, that man also happened to be the man Rose loved. But that man wasn't there, that man didn't have his arm around Rose as their taxi pulled away from the drive, and that man most definitely didn't have reservations at a very posh, very expensive restaurant, and wasn't going there with the woman they both loved. No, in that respect, the reflection was doing exactly what he wanted, what they both wanted, he was having the life the other never could, and he was determined to be more than a reflection!


	16. Fairy Kisses

**and the next one!**

**not really sure what to say about this one haha, it's kinda different... hopefully that didn't turn you off too much, and before you think that, it's not _different_ different or anything haha. not sure how that made sense but still lol!  
it's really everything Rose was thinking in a couple of seconds - i suppose that's probably the best way of explaining the _different_ness of the chapter haha!**

**anyway lol. that's probably enough of my rambling haha!  
about now i usually put a huge bit about reviewing, but as i was very hopeless last time i uploaded and forgot to write this bit before putting the chapter up, i have just written a long(ish) bit about reviews, and haven't yet thought of anything new haha! but seriously, please do! even if it's just one or two words you thought of after reading it, it will only take you a second and ill greatly improve any future chapters! =D**

**x**

* * *

She'd kissed him before, of course, but it hadn't been a proper kiss, it had been more of a 'thank you for saying what he couldn't but I only love him and I know you'll try but you're not the Doctor and I would never want you to be because that would be replacing him, which is something that no-one could never be. An 'I'm sorry' kind of kiss, one of those 'spur-of-the moment, never to be repeated' things that she'd always think of, never regret, but never even consider doing again. Besides, she loved the Doctor, and he just… wasn't him.

Not that Rose minded that, of course! She'd always known that Alonzo could never be the Doctor, no matter how the two of them had tried to convince her at first. She'd known that they weren't the same person. She just knew the Doctor too well to ever be convinced by a mere copy.

Alonzo was more than a copy, she knew that, too. And over time, she had began to love him for the man he was, not just the man he never could be. He was everything Rose had wanted in the Doctor, he was the life she had occasionally dreamt about, and the life she could never have had if she'd stayed with the man she'd always loved. When she'd pictured her life, happy and thriving, she had always seen herself in the TARDIS; a place she could never return to now. Sure, sometimes she had wondered what it would be like to have a normal life, without losing her Doctor, but she had never seriously considered it happening. The Doctor belonged in the TARDIS, travelling, and Rose would never leave him – what could possibly compare that life anyway?! Her heart was with his, inside the TARDIS.

In a universe she no longer had any chance of returning to.

He had left her. Alone and heartbroken. And she had come back to him. She had saved him, again. But he left her a second time. A simple clone with only one heart in his place. But he would _never_ replace the Doctor. Never.

Which brings us back to the kiss. Rose frowned, her lips still locked with his. She'd kissed the Doctor before, obviously, she had loved him so much that it wouldn't be possible that she hadn't kissed him once after god-knows how long together! But yet…

She knew she'd kissed him, but she couldn't remember. Not one kiss. She realised with a tear that the only times she had ever kissed the Doctor she had been possessed with one thing or another, and the memory had been erased from her mind. And there she was, kissing Alonzo. It felt like she was betraying her Doctor and all the love she felt for him.

Breaking the kiss, Rose blinked back the threatening tear, but not before Alonzo had noticed the look on her face. Rose looked up into his big, brown, welcoming eyes. Eyes that were the Doctor's, but at the same time weren't, and could never be.

"You okay?" he asked, so softly that Rose closed her eyes, letting his words wash over her like waves on the sand. Yes, it sounded corny, but that was what it was. When she opened them again, he was so close, his beautiful eyes filled with such concern that she felt tears looming again. Hastily she looked at her feet.

"I'm fine," she insisted, harshly. Alonzo looked at her so tenderly, so gently that she felt guilty at once. "I'm fine," she repeated, softer this time, and Alonzo's hand found hers, entwining their fingers.

He leant his forehead against hers and Rose closed her eyes once more, titling her head slightly, but was surprised when his lips didn't meet hers. She opened her eyes, taking in the way Alonzo was looking at her, so softly. He brought up his other hand and cupped her cheek.

"You would tell me if anything was wrong, wouldn't you?" Rose nodded, unable to speak. Words kept bubbling up in her head, then failing, miserably, as they got to her mouth.

He looked at her once more, his eyes seemingly searching hers, then he smiled and caught her lips once more in a kiss that made Rose forget everything about anything, except that moment.

Breaking apart one final time, Alonzo wrapped his arm around Rose and breathed a sigh of relief when he felt her light weight lean into his embrace. He may have been clever, but he didn't need to be as brilliant as he was to work out what Rose had been thinking. She had known the Doctor for so long, been so in love, but she had no memory of kissing him. Yet here she was, kissing Alonzo. _Again_. He felt a twang of pain knowing that he would always come second to the 'great' man, but it was quickly replaced with joy as Rose slipped her own arm around him, pulling herself closer to his warmth. She shivered slightly, and Alonzo pulled his jacket around her shoulders, two people becoming one.

_He's not the man I want him to be_, Rose thought to herself. _No_, she corrected, _he's not the man I _wish _he was… but he's all I need. _And with that thought firmly in her head, she allowed Alonzo to help her into the waiting taxi, and she spent the entire journey resting her head on his chest, listening to his singular heartbeat. _Oh yes_, she thought, _I could get used to this_.


	17. Winning and Losing

**Short but sweet (hopefully).... Or not so sweet possibly haha!**

**Hmmmmm.... I seem to be getting less reviews than usual... Hopefully that's not a reflect on the story, so please give me a review just to let me know how I'm going!!!**

* * *

She stood at the window, staring out at nothing in particular when she saw him, walking through the garden, just like he always used to look, not a day of age greater than she had last seen him. He simply walked between a gap in two of the great trees, coming out from one only to disappear behind the next, as though it was the most normal thing in the world, even though he was quite clearly in a different universe from the one he was in. He didn't even seem to have realised who's garden he was walking through, Rose thought as she hurried to get the window open, the cold air instantly attacking the bare skin on her arms and face.

"Doctor!" she yelled, her face bright with hope. She looked all around before calling again, but there was no reply, no sign of movement. _He's probably just mucking about_, she told herself, calling to him again, begging him to show himself to her. Yet still, no one came.

"Rose…" came a voice from behind her, Rose turned with a huge smile on her face to greet her friend.

"I saw him, Alonzo, I really did!" she said, running over to him and pointing out the window, "He was right there, he just walked past, I'm surprised you didn't see him! He's here, he came back!" her voice became desperate as she clung onto Alonzo's strong arms.

Slowly, carefully, he took her and held her close to him, not saying a word. She wrapped her arms around him, muttering that she really _did_ see him, and she should probably go find him, he might be getting himself in all kinds of trouble, but he didn't say anything, he just held her until she was quiet, and then he let her go, his hands still holding hers as he stood opposite her, her eyes slightly out of focus.

"He wasn't there, was he?" Alonzo shook his head and Rose nodded, "I could've sworn it was him, he looked so _real_." Alonzo nodded,

"You'd be surprised how powerful the memory can be when the mind's drifting," he said softly, his eyes never moving from hers, always watching.

"I miss him," she whispered.

"I know… but you've got me." He replied, moving swiftly to look at the ground.

Rose seemed not to hear, "He promised he wouldn't just leave me… when we were with Sarah-Jane, he promised…"

"I think all three of us know that he didn't really just dump you. And you're not alone."

"Like Sarah had K9." Rose whispered, knowing exactly what she was saying and waiting for a reaction, but Alonzo just nodded, quietly. "I promised him I'd stay with him forever… I should've stayed." She continued firmly.

"Your forever wasn't long enough to give him. You know that. You couldn't give him forever, because his forever was too long…." He trailed off, then remembered something else, "Besides, you can still give him forever… just not _him_ directly."

Rose shook her head, "You're not him."

"I'm as much a part of him as he is!" he insisted, trying to make her see that he could be everything she wanted and more, but she just continued to shake her head.

"You're not him. And I wouldn't want you to be. You're your own person and that's good. Anyway, you get the forever and he gets no-one, it doesn't matter…" she trailed off and he pulled her into another hug. Alonzo got the forever that was promised to the Doctor, Rose got the echo of the man she truly, always loved, and the Doctor got to travel. Alone. Everyone won. And everyone lost.


	18. Neverwhere

**This chapter is a little different... But hopefully you'll like it! =]  
I really enjoyed writing this.**

**Got a few reviews this time, but still not as many as I got nearer the begining of the story. I'm still hoping this isn't a reflection of my writing, but if it is, please let me know and give me tips on how I can improve!**

**Only one more chapter after this!!! **

**Please review!!! Enjoy! x**

* * *

"Alonzo?" Rose called into the emptiness, hugging her arms around her body as she walked along a never-ending whiteness, "Dad? Mum?" she kept walking, one foot in front of the other, absolute silence filling her ears, so silent that it was almost painful.

"Rose…" just a whisper, but it was enough to stop Rose dead in her tracks, shivers down her spine.

"Where are you?" she shouted, directing her words at no-one, nowhere, her mind clinging onto the possibility that this could be…

When the voice didn't reply, she tried again, "Where am I?"

"Nowhere. On the very edge of your consciousness. The brink of dreams."

_That doesn't really help_, she thought, "So where are you then?"

"Everywhere…" a gust of wind brought the whisper slipping past her although there was no wind.

"Doctor," she croaked, tears threatening. It was kind of a question, but more of a statement.

"Yes?" And then he was there, standing in front of her. She didn't know where he'd come from, but she knew better than to ask.

"Are… are you really here?" she asked, afraid of the answer.

A frown spread across his face as he considered the question. Another wind-that-never-actually-blew came and snatched the image from Rose's view, but she didn't fear his leaving, she knew he was still there, as firmly as she knew she was.

"Walk with me." It was a request, not a command, but not a question either. Shrugging, Rose began to walk in the direction the Doctor's voice was coming from. Walking nowhere.

"This place doesn't actually exist… well, it's not a place you can physically visit," he explained, coming into view again. "To come here you have to leave your body behind; only the mind can be here. What you see is what you expect to see. No one knows the true appearance of the place, not even me." His form was slipping. One moment it was there, just in the corner if her eye, and the next it was nowhere, just his constant voice, his explanation of the place letting her know he was still there.

"What's it called?" she asked.

"Neverwhere," he replied, his form instantly solidifying right in front of her, bringing her to a halt so as not to walk straight into him. "Well," he continued, falling into step next to her, "that's what my people used to call it, and we used it the most out of all who knew of it, but it has lots of names." He was quiet then, remembering his people. Rose would normally have taken his hand there, would've said something, but today she was quiet, she didn't say anything. "It takes a lot of psychic energy to access this place. That's why most humans have never been here, and those who have will forget it by the time they wake up. You can only get here in dreams, you see."

Rose nodded, letting the information wash over her. "Does that mean I'll forget this?" she asked.

He shook his head and looked down at her. "I shouldn't think so, you've got such a brilliant mind I'm sure you can hold this… but you might not believe that it's any more than a dream, and most of the information I'm telling you will have left you… but you should remember."

"How am I here, if you need so much psychic energy?"

The Doctor just grinned, and she knew she was here through him.

"But we're in my head?"

"In Neverwhere, the skin between worlds is thinner than anywhere else. Probably because much of it is actually just void. I decided to use your head, because mine would be too easy for you to get lost in. Every person has a Neverwhere, and everyone's is different, I would never have you in mine, it would be too dark, too evil." His voice trailed off as he finished, "I don't want you to think of me like that."

Rose slipped her hand around his. His skin felt like dust, like lots of dust all stacked up together to make an almost-solid object, but it wasn't solid enough, and her hand closed around nothing, slipping straight through his. She looked down, her hand still suspended in the illusion that was his as she replied, so quietly, "I could never think of you as any less than what I know you are. Than what I'll always see you as."

He looked at the ground. She thought she knew him so well, but she couldn't even imagine. He could see that by their surroundings, so white, so innocent, yet still so dark in parts. A soft mist surrounded them, hiding someone, something in its gentle blanket. She couldn't know the darkness that surrounded Neverwhere, the real thing that made them all different, and the true being that hid somewhere inside each person's. He knew his so well, having walked it almost every night in his dreams. He could find each memory, each tear he had ever shed in his. And after time, Rose would be able to find hers. She would unlock herself through this place, and he felt so guilty for doing that, but he had just needed to talk to her, to see her so badly, that he felt he had no choice but to unlock her Neverwhere, her consciousness. This was the one place he had sworn never to take Rose Tyler, but there they were, walking through her dreams, secrets hidden in her fog.

The fog itself was a bit strange. Most humans were so innocent, had no fog, just clear, sharp images. So much colour in theirs, but not Rose. Rose knew too much. She had seen too much. She was aware of the minority that she, herself, was. She didn't think she was important, hence the lack of colour. And the mist, such a mist existed in the Doctor's own head, but his was much denser, much darker. Rose's was merely a mist, just a soft cover-up, hiding things she didn't want to think about, making it so you couldn't see the things they were walking on. She didn't want to see the bone-like ground that the Doctor could tell was her guilt for every being they had ever seen die before their time.

"So…" Rose said, breaking the silence. The Doctor looked down and saw Rose's hand carefully placed around his so that it wouldn't fall through, but she still could feel the gentle pressure of his fingers as he squeezed her hand. She felt warm, like life, like something he was missing.

"So… how are you doing then?" In all honesty, that wasn't what he had been planning on asking, but the words had already come out of his mouth before he had much chance to think of anything else.

"I'm… alright." She replied in a small voice, "I'm getting there, you know? Getting used to not having you around… I still… miss you…" The last was scarcely more than a whisper, and that was more than she had wanted it to be.

"You've got… Alonzo, is it?" Rose nodded. "You've got Alonzo."

"But he's not you." The Doctor opened his mouth to speak, but she rushed on. "Oh, he's from you, and he's a part of you, sure, but he's not _you_. He's his own man, his own person. He's not you."

The Doctor nodded. "I know. I'm sorry."

"You said he was you…" she was so close to tears now, the Doctor had to stop, he couldn't bear her so upset.

"Come here," he whispered, pulling her into a soft hug. He could feel her arms going through him a little, his form still hadn't properly settled in her mind yet, but she quickly pulled herself out and rested them on his slightly-more-solid dust-form, her head soft against his shoulder.

After what felt like a thousand years, and at the same time just a few seconds, they pulled apart. Instantly, the Doctor looked more solid, more there, only flickering occasionally. He looked like an old fashioned film, one of those ones that, no matter how well they had been looked after, ten years down the line, there was nothing anyone could do to prevent it from getting a few scratches and a few bumps. He was just out of focus, but he was more there than he had been, more at home in her head.

"How are you?" she asked softly, hoping he was alright, wondering about Donna.

"I'm… alright."

"And Donna?"

"She's gone." At Rose's look he decided to tell her, "The Time Lord consciousness is too much for a human mind, so to save her life I had to get rid of her memories. Every trace of you, me, the TARDIS, everything she and I did together, gone. Or she'd have died." He looked so sombre, so quiet, that Rose felt his pain like her own.

"But I took in the Time Vortex… and it didn't kill me… you took it out of me… but I can still remember you…?" she asked, just to clarify things.

"Yes, but it's different for you. You took the vortex into your head, but she became part Time Lord, she took my mind into her own head, you took the TARDIS's mind into yours, it's different." He explained, badly. Rose nodded and he knew she didn't truly understand.

He sat down on what seemed like a random stretch of white, another stretch that looked no different from any other part to Rose, but the Doctor knew where they were. Slowly, she lowered herself next to him, the fog parting so they could see a little better from the ground. She didn't know that she had moved the fog herself, but she didn't seem to be particularly bothered about it.

"Close your eyes," he whispered, and Rose instantly obeyed, not once thinking about why. "Open them," and she did.

They were sitting in an open field, the faint smell of Apple Grass surrounding them and a light breeze playing with their hair.

Rose turned with amazement to the man sitting next to her, "How did you do that?" she asked.

"I didn't." came the reply, and he vanished. Rose didn't worry, she knew he was still there, still somewhere. Just like an old film, where the image cut out for a moment but the sound carried on and you just knew that you were missing part of it, even when the noise eventually gave up and you had to go and hit the video player to get it going again. There was nothing to hit, so Rose just had to trust that the Doctor would turn up again in his own time, and she knew he wouldn't go far.

Slowly, she got back to her feet and looked around. She knew where she was of course, the smell gave that away, but she wasn't sure how she got there. As she stood up, she vaguely noticed the mist returning at the edges of her vision, hiding the horizon from her, and slipping the ground mostly out of view. Her mind strangely empty, Rose began to walk around, not going anywhere in particular, just wandering.

After a few seconds that could easily have been a few hours, she came to the top of the hill, and a place that looked familiar. She smiled to herself as the noise of the materialising TARDIS reached her ears, shortly followed by a small blue box fading in and out of existence, getting stronger each time. It didn't surprise her as she watched a young blonde girl open the door and step out, her face awash with excitement, shortly followed by a tall man in a long brown overcoat, who shut the door behind him, pulling his arm through the sleeve with a little help from the girl. She watched the girl jump up and down on the spot, looking all around her as the man scooped down and picked up a handful of Apple Grass for her amusement. Rose remembered the excitement she had felt at the new world, the whole new place that she had never ever seen before, the feeling bubbling up in her chest as she itched to explore. Smiling, the girl who used to be Rose Tyler slipped her arm through the Doctor's, her words carrying over to the Rose who was standing on the edge of the scene, watching herself being truly happy.

The man pulled the girl by the hand and they ran down the hill, laughing. Rose shrugged and followed at a short distance when she felt the place she was standing on fade from existence as the fog came closer and thicker towards her.

By the time she caught up with herself, Rose was already settled on the Doctor's coat with him lying down beside her. Oh, she remembered that laugh! The way she tipped her head back and truly laughed, just because she could. She had been so free that day, that morning, lying there with the Doctor, him telling her about a new world that they were both aching to go and discover for themselves, him a new man for them both to work out and get used to, someone she already trusted.

Rose was aware of the Doctor standing behind her before he had even appeared.

"I was so happy," she said, without looking away from the 'couple' seated on the hillside.

Behind her, Rose felt the Doctor nod. "Me too. I felt untouchable, as though nothing could possibly go wrong. I always felt like that with you…" She looked at him there, and even as she did the scenery blurred and changed and they were standing in a hall. In front of them were them, this time kneeling by Queen Victoria, her with sword in hand. The memory of the Doctor turned to the memory of Rose and grinned, a look that she could only return. The words echoed in the room, but at the same time, Rose, watching, couldn't quite focus on them. The Doctor pressed his hand into hers, and once again Rose felt the sensation of holding solid dust. Together, they turned again, this time standing outside a chippy.

Rose watched the Doctor storm outside, closely followed by the Rose of the time, who said something which made the Doctor visibly still. He turned sharply to face her and replied, moving closer. Rose shivered and the Doctor's hand tightened around hers. _No, not you._ Rose blinked back a tear as the mist returned and faded again, taking the night with it.

They were in another universe, dressed as servants, Rose watched as her mother called her name and a dog came running out, the Doctor laughed, but Rose just watched. A couple of steps behind them, another Rose watched with another Doctor, his half-existence holding her firmly, the scene blurred, and Rose was saying goodbye to Mickey the Idiot. She didn't have to go, she could've stayed with him, but she left, she walked back into the TARDIS and they faded from sight, bringing their present selves away again.

"I think I'll regenerate again soon…" the Doctor told Rose, as they came into focus in a small television store.

Rose looked up at him and the scene faded away, returning them to her Neverwhere. She nodded. "Would I recognise you… even if I don't know what you look like?"

He frowned. "I don't know…" he turned away from her, his image flickering a bit. "Sarah-Jane didn't recognise me… but I don't know with you."

She half-smiled, hoping there was a way she would get to see him again someday, even though she knew it was probably 'impossible'.

Suddenly he turned back to face her, and she was slightly taken aback by then look of total concentration on his face. But that was nothing compared to the shock she got when his image flickered again, and then changed completely. The whole transformation only lasted a second, but it was enough. The Doctor stumbled as his form settled back to the way it should be and he grabbed Rose's shoulder to prevent himself from falling.

"Did you see it?" he gasped, sitting down on the ground, with Rose following. As last time, the mist cleared enough for them to see.

"Was that you?" she asked, still in slight shock after the change.

The Doctor nodded. "I don't know what it looked like, and you mustn't tell me else it creates a paradox. And a bad one at that. But yes, that was what I'll look like. So now you'll know me… if… yeah…"

Rose smiled and squeezed his hand, "Thank you." she whispered. And she knew that he was hoping the same thing as she was, that somehow, she'd get a chance to recognise him in his new form.

Rose felt her own form flicker slightly, and the Doctor looked up, sharply, "What's wrong?" he asked.

She looked down at her hands and saw the flickering that she had been watching the Doctor do all night happening in herself, she was fading. And as she faded, so did he.

"Not enough time…" she whispered, realising what was going on, "No! Not yet! Just a little longer!" she grabbed onto the Doctor's arm and looked at him, a desperate plea in her eyes, "I don't wanna lose you again…"

He bent down and swept her lips up in a kiss. A kiss she knew she would never forget if she lived to be 100. She felt herself slipping back into reality and clinged to the Doctor with everything she had, her lips firmly planted on his, and he pulled her closer in return, kissing her with all the love he had hidden for so long.

Rose kept her eyes closed and knew before the kiss had left her lips that she was awake. She lay still in her bed, her eyes tightly shut, trying to keep herself in her dream for as long as she could, but it was pointless, and by the time she had woken completely the dream had almost totally gone from her memory, leaving no remains in her head other than the soft texture of the Doctor's lips against hers.


	19. The Greatest Gift

**and here it is!! the final installement of what i hope was a good story! got much less reviews near the end... i wonder why.... hopefully i'll get lots for this one as it's the last to make up for it (wink wink nudge nudge)!!**

**anyway... this chapter is a bit late, as it's set at christmas! i meant to have it up on christmas eve, but as it sometimes does, the time has rather got away with me.. but i'm FINALLY uploading it and hopefully it'll be worth the wait lol!!! =D**

**this chapter (and whole story really haha) is dedicated to NewDrWhoFan for her relentless beta'ing. thank you, once again, so much! =D**

**hope you enjoy!! PLEASE review!!!!!! =D xx**

* * *

She tore off the bright wrapping paper and held in her hand a little, wooden box, perfect in every way. Smiling softly, Rose removed the lid and picked out a beautiful little rose-shaped pair of earrings made from some kind of clear, sparkling stone that could have been diamond, but had a texture to them which was like nothing of this world. Rose knew instantly that the gems had come from her home universe, even if not her planet.

She couldn't speak, she just held the earrings in her hand and looked up at Alonzo, thanks in her eyes.

"I wanted to get you something really special, but nothing in the shops was quite right," he told her, pleased that she liked her gift, but feeling a little guilty that he couldn't get her anything better.

"They're perfect," Rose breathed, rushing to the mirror by the hall to put them into her ears. As soon as they were fixed, they seemed to pick up on the colour of her eyes and hair brilliantly, enhancing her features so she looked, to Alonzo's eye, even more beautiful - if that was even possible. She turned back to look at him, his eyes gazing lovingly at her. She made a small noise in the back of her throat and Alonzo turned away from her to look at the sparkling Christmas tree he was seated under, eagerly searching the piles of presents for his own. Rose tutted and smiled at the child-like half-alien in her living room and came to kneel next to him.

At Rose's gentle touch on his hand, Alonzo instantly picked up his head and looked at her, grinning childishly. Rose laughed and shook her head, taking his hand in hers.

"You'll have to come here to get your Christmas present," she whispered in his ear, sending shivers down his spine. Obediently, he nodded and came to stand with his hand in hers. Softly, Rose squeezed his hand and lead him to the large archway joining the living room to the corridor.

They reached the archway and Rose stopped, holding Alonzo with her.

"Close your eyes," she commanded, and he did. The next thing he knew, her lips were on his and they were kissing with a powerful softness that he had only ever imagined in his dreams.

When he opened his eyes again, Rose looked to the top of the archway. Alonzo's gaze followed hers and he saw why Rose had given him his present there. Attached to the very top, exactly above where they were standing, was a cluster of mistletoe watching the scene below, the only spectators while the rest of the household slept on.

When he looked back at her, Rose spoke. "I know you're not the Doctor, but now I understand that you are so much more. I love you, Alonzo Gallifrey Noble, and I always will."

Alonzo didn't know what to think of that, and for a moment, he just stood there, and then he whispered, "But you still love the Doctor."

"Yes," Rose answered instantly, and didn't even bother to try to hide the honest emotion in her voice, the way her whole being was still in love with the man who had let her down so many times. "I love him with my soul… but I love you with all my heart, and it's taken me a while to come to terms with it, but you're here and he left me. I know you'll always be here for me, and - Alonzo, look at me - I want to be here for you. I'll probably never be completely over the Doctor, but I can learn to live with the emotions I feel for him, and I can, and _do_, love you. You mean so much to me, I don't want to have to go on the way we have. You and me, we could be so much, so perfect together, if you just let me show you how I love you more than I ever thought possible…" she trailed off when it was clear that Alonzo wanted to speak, but instead of words, he pressed his lips against hers, wrapping his arms around her waist and hers went to run her fingers through his perfect hair, trailing along his neck. He tugged slightly at the bottom of her shirt and she deepened the kiss, loving the feeling of his hot breath mingling with hers and his hands roaming her body.

Finally, the need for oxygen overcame them and, reluctantly, they broke apart.

"Happy Christmas, Alonzo," Rose breathed, her face inches from his still. He nodded, also wishing her a happy Christmas, and kissed her one final time before sliding his hand into hers and bringing her back into the living room where they both sat on one of the large, comfortable sofas and waited for the rest of the family to join them.

A little later, Pete appeared at the doorway, a tired baby in his arms and sleep still in his eyes. Not long after that, Jackie walked into the room behind him, taking the baby from Pete so he could go and make them all a cup of tea.

And so the family slowly opened their presents, squealing little bursts of excitement whenever they found something especially interesting underneath the brightly coloured wrapping paper, all completely oblivious to what had happened in that hall just moments before.

Or, at least, that's what Alonzo and Rose thought. In reality, Pete and Jackie weren't so naive as to miss the way their hands never strayed far from the others, or the little looks the two kept giving each other. And despite the immense disliking Jackie held for the Doctor and all he had put her little girl through, she couldn't help but be pleased that maybe she had finally found someone who could give her the love and adventure that the Doctor had offered her, with a little more security and a real home with her family.

-

And that's how it began... Or maybe that's how it ended... But no matter which way you look at it, the rest of the story is, as they say, _history_.


End file.
